A Woman Isn't Incomplete If She Can't Get Pregnant

Yesterday, I came across a clip from a daily soap where a woman was being shamed for her infertility. Her mother-in-law went on a spree of blaming the woman for being incapable of love, respect or family because she cannot conceive. She even said that her son married another woman because he knew his first wife was infertile. Although this is a snapshot of a daily soap, we cannot deny that it is completely unrelated to reality. Fertility is still considered a yardstick to determine a woman’s worth in society. But is a woman’s life all about conceiving babies?

In our society, infertility is a woe that makes women’s bodies a target of biological and social issues. Not being able to conceive is a painful truth in itself for women who desire to be mothers. But the social stigma around it that subjects women to shaming, strained relationships and abandonment make the woe even more painful. Not having a baby in a way invalidates their existence.

Although India’s population seems to be increasing at an unstoppable pace, studies suggest that the fertility rate of India is shockingly decreasing. According to a study from 2016-2017, eight percent of married women in India are infertile. The rate of infertility is highest in West Bengal (13.9 percent) and lowest in Meghalaya (2.5 percent). But despite the increasing infertility rate, the social stigma around it has remained unchanged.

Infertility in Women: Can we stop with the shaming?

The major reason behind this long-standing social stigma around infertility is the mindset that considers motherhood as the only essence and purpose of womanhood. If a woman cannot bear a child, it is assumed that she failed to fulfil her duties and responsibilities towards the family and society. A woman in our society is married only to give ghar ka chirag to the families. You must have noticed how newly married women are pressurised to conceive as soon as possible so that they can be done with their duties and ‘relax’ their entire life.

Suggested Reading: How Reproductive Leave Can Help Women Balance Work And Fertility Demands

A woman is loved and respected only because of her uterus and the ability to procreate. No matter how much a woman is oppressed by her family, she is revered as a goddess when she ">conceives a baby. However, the treatment could see a shift in many households depending on the gender of the baby that she gives birth to.

Women are not born to procreate. Before becoming a mother, a woman is a human who needs to stand on her own feet, break glass ceilings and touch the heights she always dreamt of. Just because a woman doesn’t want to or cannot bear kids, she doesn’t become invalid. She still holds the right to live with respect and freedom.

Why is it so difficult for us to appreciate women for their achievements beyond pregnancies? Why don't we focus on their overall development and empowerment instead?

Let us understand that motherhood is a choice and not a compulsion. Bearing a child involves a lot of responsibilities and changes and so it is better to let women decide if they want to embrace them. As far as infertility is concerned, it doesn’t define the worth or character of a woman. Reproduction is just a biological function that we do not have control over. But this shouldn’t stop a woman’s life from being functional.

Infertility does leave many women in pain and misery, but most of it comes from the social scrutiny and shaming that she is made to endure. If we removes such toxicity from her life, then it would become easier for her to move on and re-figure out her life. Besides, being a mother doesn’t have one definite path. A woman who wants to be a mother can do so through surrogacy or adoption too. So an empty womb doesn’t mean an empty life.

Picture Credit: womenpla.net

Views expressed are the author's own.