We Are Not Responsible Later: How Indian Parents Still Oppose Love Marriages

Indian parents love marriage: With Indian children having more say in who they marry and when, one could easily assume that parents in our country are now open to the idea of love marriages. But how true is that? Do Indian parents encourage their kids to date, fall in love, test longevity of their relationship and then zero in on a life partner? Or does love marriage still remain an unfortunate outcome of sending your kids to study away from home (or to any college that lies beyond the intersection adjacent to their quarters)? Do Indian parents love the idea of love marriages, or do they simply go with it because they are too modern to force their will on their children?

If you have ever sat across from your parent to tell them that you love someone and would want to marry them, or have seen someone do so, then you'll know that usually in India this situation begets a mix of emotions, none of which is positive. You'll see a mixture of horror, anxiety, stress, displeasure and reluctance splashed across the faces of ">desi moms and dads, as they proceed to calculate ki log kya kahenge.

Let me get this straight, Indian parents are more open to the idea of love&t=163s"> marriages than they were two decades ago. But when have desi parents liked not being in control of their kids' lives? And that's what a love-alliance does. Parent can literally see decisions and authority slipping out their hands. It's the kids who are calling the shots now. Pata nahi kaisa ladka dhundha hoga?

What do his parents do? Are they of the same caste/religion/economic status or not? What about his height? Is he younger than you? How much does he earn?

In an arranged alliance, it is these criteria that are matched first before a boy or a girl even gets to meet their prospective partner. In fact, prospects that do not match parental expectations on these parameters don't even get a chance to showcase their personality, behaviour etc. One mismatch and you are out of the contest that is the great Indian matchmaking.

It is these criteria that our families and society also use to analyse a match- and that's what makes Indian parents so uncomfortable, when it comes to love marriages. So how do they try to resolve the situation, if they can't say "no" upfront? By shirking off all responsibilities towards their child.

While it may seem like a tactical move, to get your way in this tussle, when things don't go as planned, Indian parents do follow up on this warning. This approach puts many women in a tough spot when their marriages don't work out, or when the couple falls on tough times. All it takes is one decision that your parents don't approve of, for women to fall out of favour.

This passive-aggressive resistance to love marriages is a proof that Indian parents are far from accepting love marriages whole-heartedly. How can we make them realise, that it is not about what happens later, or what society thinks of their choice, but more about their parents not showing trust in their upbringing.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading:

Why Do Indian Parents Willingly Alienate Their Married Daughters

Your Job Is A Job, My Job Is A Hobby?

Three Reasons Why Indian Marriages Are So Successful: Or So It Seems