You can have a Career of your Choice but Not the man you Marry?

You can go out with your friends but return before 7 or don't stay with them at night. You can have the freedom to talk about equality and feminism but not practice it in real life. You can have a course or career of your own choice but not the man you marry. Why do parents set a limit to their daughter's freedom? 

Isn't the right to live your life by your own choice the basic human right? Can daughters be "too free" or "too equal"? Does the freedom to exercise your right and be treated as equal even have a limit?

What is too much freedom?

It is sadly common for Indian parents to police and control the lives of their daughters. Which course or career she should choose, what she should wear, whom she should befriend and whom she should marry is all decided by the parents. Some parents are liberal enough to allow their daughters to dress the way they want or pursue a career of their choice.

But their cloak of liberalism sheds once the daughter reaches a marriageable age. They shrink themselves and their mindsets to fit into the narrow mindedness of the society and expect their daughters to blindly marry the person that the family chooses and conform to the expectations of the in-laws and society, however demeaning they might be. I do not intend to say that all the marriages set up by families are bad but should parents impose their decisions on their daughter when she is capable of making her own choices?

It is not only about marriage. But parents tend to lose their feminism almost everyday as soon as the clock strikes the evening hour and women become targets of some men who predate on women's sexuality. The liberal parent who fed the empowered daughter a nutritious breakfast for a kickass day starts cribbing with the moving needles of the clock. And then, parents join the society to criticise the idea of women's freedom and how that is responsible for everything wrong or against the conventions that happen in a woman's life.

Ultimately, the daughter is forced to make tough choices of giving up her freedom in one aspect of life to live freely in another. Ask yourself, is it a fair deal? Why should a woman's freedom come with conditions?

Society dictates parenting goals for daughters

Yes, it is not the parents' fault entirely because the male-dominated society is also equally responsible for the restrictions imposed on women.

Daughter's Freedom: Our parents are a part of the society that still believes in the ideas that women should be in control otherwise ladki haath se nikal jayegi.

We have ministers in the government that believe in tracking women's location to ensure their safety. Or else, as per another minister, it is always better that a woman marries at the age of 18 and stays at her sasural happily. Even women who pledge to uphold women's rights believe in not allowing women to step out alone in the evening.

When women and their families are staying amidst such people who find it reasonable to not allow women 'too much freedom', wouldn't they find it difficult to stray away from conventions? Aren't they at the receiving ends of insults, criticisms and ostracisation for going against conventions and advocating equality and women empowerment? When is it going to change?

Raising daughters

It is indeed sad that to be a feminist in our society means being ready to defy sexist comments and behaviour every minute. But as far as the importance of women's agency and freedom is concerned, it is worth being a debater and defiant regularly. So dear parents, if you are raising feminist daughters, then do not step down from your responsibilities for the fear of society. It is her right to question and live life as per her choice. And it is not right for you to decide how much freedom she can have in life.

Society will always be there to criticise your daughter and leave her alone because they don't care for her happiness.

Women are mere pawns on the chess boards of society where national morality and issues and overall statistics matter more than a single woman's safety and life. But do you think the same? Don't you love your daughter and want her to be happy in life rather than exhausting her self-respect in trying to build a frail reputation in a male-dominated society that doesn't value women? 

Rather than letting the society dictate the ways you raise your daughters, raise empowered daughters who believe in success and not submission. Rather than cribbing over log kya kahenge, be your daughters' support system when she makes big decisions in life.

Remember, it is not loving to ask your daughter to compromise, keep quiet and conform. It is only an evidence that you believe in being pawns of people in power with no personal choice and integrity. And that is what you raise your daughter into. Isn't it?

The views expressed are the authors own.