Why Can't Parents Interfere In The Issues That Their Daughters Are Facing In Marital Home?

Today my mother baffled me by saying that the parents of a woman have nothing to do with what happens to her in her marital house. She was apparently proud of the fact that she never sought her parents’ help in resolving issues in her marriage. And this is what she was teaching to other women in my family. But once a woman gets married, why is she not entitled to support from her parents? Does she cease to be a family member of her parents?

In our society, women are expected to devote their entire life and individuality to becoming good wives, bahu and mothers while breaking their ties with their parental family. Once a woman’s bidaai is performed, she has to leave behind all love, connection and support she has with her parental family. But is this right?

Is it right to make women forget the people who brought them up? Is it fair to ask to them break ties with people and home who created a safe haven for them to grow? Do we expect men to do the same? Do men too break ties with their parents once they get married?

Indian parents and married daughters

The idea of breaking ties comes from the stereotype that women are paraya dhan who can never belong to their parents. They belong to the family to their matrimonial household, and their parents are just caretakers who must protect and sustain them till they tie the knot. That’s why women are rarely given an upbringing as good as men. But we all know that the concept of paraya dhan is a myth. Why then it is being peddled even today?

It is because of the paraya dhan narrative that women are not able to seek support and help from their parents in resolving their marital issues.  Women are often left to fight a lonely battle if their marriages don't work out. They not only have any monetary support, but there is no family member around them to ensure that their mental health is not impacted by the ordeal.

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This distance between parents and a married daughter is also the reason why many parents dismiss marital problems faces by their daughters. They trivialise a fractured marriage as just small disputes between husband and wife which can be solved through understanding and adjustments on the wife's behalf. But marital discord is not always about difference of interest or opinion. Women in many marital homes suffer from domestic violence, dowry harassment and whatnot. In such situations, if parental families don’t interfere and support their daughters, the consequences could be worse. A woman would be forced to live through a toxic relationship, no matter how much harm it is causing to her.

If ">parents back down from supporting their daughters in marital issues, daughters will lose the one pillar that supports their existence beyond being a wife or bahu. How? Because whenever marital issues arise, women are expected to be within the limit of their identity as wives or bahu. They have no choice but to prioritise their duties towards their in-laws, children and husband. But if parents support their daughters, they can dare to think beyond their duties as a wife or bahu and prioritise their own needs and happiness.

So dear society stop cutting out parental support in a married women’s life. Parents that gave birth to them have the right to ensure that their daughters are in safe hands. Moreover, daughters too have the right to involve their parents in any issue that they are facing in their marriage because that’s what every offspring expects from their parents. Let us not forget that marriage is a bond between two families Then why should the parental family be kept at a distance from the marital family? When marriage ties two families together, shouldn’t the issues arising be solved by the same unity?

Views expressed are the author's own.