Indian Matchmaking Makes Me Wish To Never Marry

The show Indian Matchmaking recently dropped its second season and has yet again proved that marriage in India or among Indians is nothing but a business deal. Potential suitors are dangled as puppets by families and society to initiate the younger members into our patriarchal way of life.

Why do Indian parents advocate marriage as the only way to be happy in life? A peek into their own marriages might reveal the sham this institution is. What is this obsession with wanting to see your kids settled and have children even if it is against their wishes?

Indian Matchmaking views on women are scary

The famous Mumbai-based matchmaker  Sima Taparia has time and again mentioned how the class and standard of families must be matched before the suitors go ahead and meet each other. Enabling the class and caste requirements seldom leaves room for love and affection in the arrangement. In Indian Matchmaking she further advocates the necessity of looks and age-old standards of beauty. One of the clips from this season that has been doing rounds on the internet is when she describes the celebrity couple Priyanka Chopra and her husband Nick Jonas as a mismatched couple. She calls Jonas a 'small and petite guy' adding that Chopra looks older than him, which makes it a bad match because who cares about love?

But Taparia's outlook towards marriage actually reflects the norms that most families abide by, the brunt of which is mostly borne by women. Being a strong and independent heterosexual woman in India, a woman's chances of getting a husband according to her expectations look bleak. She must to give up on her independence, become submissive and listen to her husband for marital peace. Whereas on the other side, prospective Indian grooms are allowed to have ridiculous list of criteria for their partner. They want their wives to be good looking and do all the emotional and physical labour in a relationship. Even though society loves to hail men as independent, strong, self-sufficient and yet can't even pick their plates after eating.

Being an unmarried independent woman in India

An unmarried woman in India is not allowed to be happy without a man's surname beside her name. Her personality or opinion hold no value and she has to fight for her dignity every day, even with her family. From childhood till her last breath a woman is reminded of the importance of a man's presence in her life and how that completes her.

Simply put, women are not seen as individuals but just a burden on their parents' shoulders who must be duly transferred onto to a husband. Demanding respect is touted to be selfish. Instead a woman should be concerned about her appearance and how compatible she looks physically with her husband.

For unmarried Indian women the choices are- marrying an entitled man-child or having no partner at all. Can any of these be called favourable?

Suggested Reading: Indian Matchmaking: Exploring Our Love-Hate Relationship With The Show

Shows like Indian Matchmaking do nothing but reinforce the prejudices and limitations set up for women in society. The show primarily brings down and criticises women for having certain standards for a prospective husband and opinions. The show's host tells women to adjust and compromise, which are nothing but the only way to survive in this man's world through her eyes.

How are women supposed to challenge patriarchy and redefine the institution of marriage into a more equal one if reality shows and popular matchmakers continue to peddle outdated norms? How will men learn that they need to adjust in a marriage too, and give their partner space to flourish as an individual, because that is the right thing to do? And lastly, how will Indian families accept that for a happy marriage, compatibility should be the top priority not, looks, age or financial standing?

The answer is simple- we have to call out shows and films that spread orthodox views and push back on all the progress women have made in their journey to gain equality in marriage. Else, women like me will be put off by the concept of matrimony forever.

Views expressed are the author's own.