Is Today's Indian Dad More Hands-on?

The Indian dad is no more the distant dad of the jokes who had no idea in which class his kids study. He is not scared of showing affection, yet have they crossed the bridged and reached the world where parenting is an equally shared responsibility? Or are we celebrating them as super dads because they can reheat food from the fridge and feed the kids? Have they embraced change?

If our fathers hid behind the newspaper while our mothers were grudging that they could do with some help has the smartphone and zoom meeting come to the rescue of the modern Indian dad? So what has changed and what has not?

Yes, the role of the father has gradually changed and increasingly they are taking a more nurturing role. Today's fathers are determined to be less distant and more hands-on. It is not ok for them to be just breadwinners, their jobs are not limited to talking about work, money, sports and adventure they have to be emotionally available too. They have to change nappies, feed, burp and clean up, help with homework, wipe their tears and me a best friend and the disciplinarian.

Patience and communication are key factors in successful parenting. As far as communication is concerned children have the freedom to talk to their fathers about a plethora of things that were earlier considered taboo. Very few topics are off-limits with the modern father hence the bond between the child and the father is also much stronger. Gone are the days when father was the patriarch of the family who dictated your life.

The changing economic role of the mother is in part instrumental in bringing this change. Women are increasingly choosing to be financially independent even after having children thus not everything is dependent on the fatherly earning. Therefore, it is pushing men also to acknowledge her contribution and in return step up. Couples now increasingly have a shared common goal to achieve as a family. Today as partners we do not want a lion’s share of the childcare, household tasks or breadwinning to fall on any one partner. It is about sharing the joys and sorrows of life.

However, there is still a thin line. Men are still not defined by the kind of father's they make, unlike women where motherhood determines their intrinsic worth. Housework and caregiving are still considered essentially as a woman's domain. So, men "help" with it. There is a sense that you are doing your partner's share of work. You can still be a father just by giving your name to your child whereas a working mother is asked how she balances both worlds.

While each of us will have a different story to tell about our fathers and our partners as fathers there is no denying that gender roles are becoming more fluid. While my father has never set foot in the kitchen to cook a meal he taught me to sew and stitch and how to change a light bulb. He was never emotionally distant. My husband picked up our son like a pro, post-birth and was more successful in burping and making him fall asleep. It will be wrong to say which lot of fathers are better.

For a child to see that household, parenting and economic responsibilities are shared sets a great example and breaks gender stereotypes. And that needs to be a continued effort this International men's day let's make a beginning.

The views expressed are the author's own.

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