The Shape Of Her Rotis Matters More Than Her Career And Ambition. Why?

My friend was brought up in a very liberal and forward-thinking family. Her father gave utmost importance to education and career where his daughters were concerned. The two sisters (and their brother) completed their post-graduation in the field of their choice and became career women. My friend chose to join the Indian Army as an officer. Being her friend, I knew what her routine was in school and college. I remember whenever her mother wanted her to learn cooking and help out with other stuff like pickle making and namkeen and sweets making during festivals, her father would stand in-between and say his daughters were born to do greater things than these.

She hardly had any interest in cooking, in fact, she hated entering the kitchen. I once asked her why she didn’t want to learn how to cook as it was a life skill, she said, “I can cook if the need arises, but I won’t cook for the reason that women are supposed to take care of the kitchen and cooking. I have seen how my mother’s life revolved only around her kitchen and cooking. She hardly had any time to pursue her interests. Seeing her I had promised myself that I will not become another version of her.”

Then it was time for her to settle down, and her parents started looking for a match for her within their community. But my friend had other plans. She chose her batch mate who was from not only another community but religion. There was a lot of opposition in her family but then her family accepted her choice in the end.

Now starts the ironic part of her journey. She was a career woman with equal standing in the forces as her husband, who earned an equal pay package as him but whenever her in-laws visited them, her mom-in-law expected her to make garam-garam tazi roti for them. No matter that both her son and daughter-in-law came back home together. The son was offered tea and expected to chit-chat with them while my friend was expected to take charge of the kitchen. What was worse was that she was judged for the thickness of the roti or if it puffed-up satisfactorily or not. As a result, whenever her in-laws visited she felt suffocated. Like none of her achievements mattered.

Suggested Reading: Does Being A Good Beti Make Women A Bad Bahu By Default?

Ideal Bahu must not have career aspirations: Why?

Why is it that a woman’s achievement in the boardroom so to say (or any workplaces she chooses) is never enough and that she’ll be still judged on the basis of how well she cooks, or manages the house or teaches her kids? Why is it that even if a woman is earning equal, or sometimes more than the man in her life, she must consider herself beneath him? Why is it that an ambitious woman is not considered the ‘ideal bahu’ material? Why does society feel uncomfortable with the presence of such women?

Is it because such woman don’t fear the male dominated society she lives in? Because she doesn't entertain any rules being trusted upon her which come in her way of chasing her dreams? Such a woman has the guts to rise above all those limitations which a &t=4s">patriarchal society provides her to stay within, she is too strong for those who believe being masculine is some kind of superpower.

People who believe that men make up for a superior gender tend to belittle an ambitious woman because there are things which they can’t accept against their entitlement. But this is 2022, and things are changing. And there are many women out there who have taken their stand against all these judgements and doing pretty well in their lives.

And, no, how round a roti she rolls out is not the criteria a woman should be judged on.

Views expressed are the author's own.