Hug Cows On Valentine's Day; Why Is PDA Not Accepted By Our Society?

As Valentine’s Day is approaching, people's weird perspective towards it is also boiling up. In the past few days, I came across two perspectives towards Valentine’s Day that made me roll my eyes. The first was a poster which dedicated Valentine’s Day to respect and greet our parents. Another was today’s headlines which said that Valentine’s Day should be celebrated by hugging cows. Yes, you read that right.

Just yesterday I wrote an article on how it is okay to celebrate the day of love with our family and friends. Any bond or relationship is based on love and so it is necessary to celebrate them. And therefore, I might agree at one point that we can use Valentine’s Day to greet our parents or hug our pets. But read what I wrote carefully. I don’t mean that Valentine’s Day is solely for family or for pets. These can be part of the celebration and not the celebration itself.

No matter how we perceive the day of love, it will primarily remain the day when couples celebrate their bonds. And this is what society is not ready to accept. It is not ready to allow couples, especially unmarried couples, to indulge in romance. Public display of love disgusts our society which believes that love and romance are matters of closed doors. This could be subjective for different people but society doesn't get it right. Holding hands, hugging, or kissing in public seem derogatory for society. For unmarried couples indulging in romance is so not considered right by society. As per our traditions, men and women should indulge in intimacy only after marriage. Forget intimacy, they are not allowed to choose partners on their own. Partners is be selected by family, especially in case of girls. Standing beside an unrelated man becomes talk of the town, these are the times that still persist, no matter how much we talk about agency and autonomy.

Society has so-called groups, who are self-proclaimed protectors of society. The feel its their right to moral police everyone, and their main weapon is violence. However, they are ignorant that they are polluting the society and not protecting. They induce the fear in society, and doesn't allow love to breathe. For instance- The right wing group hovers over couples on Valentine’s Day. Many couples might have come across these groups, wh0 harrass people for indulging in intimacy. Last year on February 15, some of the members of groups were arrested by Agra Police for harassing couples on Valentine’s Day. One member on the harassments said, "This is a western culture which is flourishing in India but it will not be allowed to flourish here." Moreover, the group is notorious for forcing couples out on Valentine’s Day to get married.

Dear society, we have some serious problem in how the Valentine’s Day is perceived. The opposition towards the narrative of Valentine’s Day is generally about not fitting in conventional culture. Can we not mix it with tradition and let individual celebrate it as they want? It is difficult.  Just ask your parents whether they will allow you to spend the entire day with your date on Valentine’s Day. Would they willingly allow it? Many schools declare a holiday on Valentine’s Day or keep eagle eyes on students so that no ‘misbehaviour’ happens on the premises of the school. Even adult has to lie and meet their partners.

The conventional culture do not accept love that exist outside marriage. That people can fall in love and express their feelings openly without being married to the person. Even though we watch romantic movies in Bollywood in which we whistle on the scene where a boy proposes to a girl, we cannot translate freedom into reality. We still become uncomfortable and irritated when we see couples displaying love in the public. Months ago, news of a married couple being intimate in the holy river of Varanasi and being beaten up for the same flashed across channels. It was labelled as a shameful act that disrespects the sanctity of religious places. This was the reaction of the public to married couples. Imagine what they would have done if the couple had been unmarried. One can commit violence publicly, but not love.

It is understandable public display of affection can have repercussions too. It sometimes could pass the wrong signals to people who have the wrong eyes on women. But this is not the fault of the couple expressing love but of the mindset that women kissing men in public is a slut and is available for sex with any man. Moreover, individual do understand where to draw a line. For that few men do not have to wear saffron and go patrolling in the city. It is just another consequence of not understanding consent and love.

Hug cows on Valentine's Day

Coming back to Hug Cows Day- this is something coined by Animal welfare department. It is difficult to understand what message department is trying to convey. Because the whole point of consent is missing. Before hugging a cow are we taking consent. Why is this force to hug cow? This sounds satirical but point is consent is essential part of love. While celebrating love be it a person or cow, consent is pre-requisite. The whole point of morality goons is to protect women and society from evils but this is deviating. One a government department take such step, society needs to think where this coming from? And where we are heading? However, be it hug cow day or dedicate Valentine day to parents or anyone core is stop shaming.

So dear society! Love is a pure feeling of mutual care and understanding that can heal every wound and every difference. It is not a western culture deteriorating the Indian culture. Even our deities fell in love and romanced their beloveds. It is high time we let couples have the freedom to express themselves on Valentine’s Day and promise each other a happy future.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading- How Should Parents Discuss Healthy Relationships With Children?