Hostile Parenting Can Lead To Mental Health Issues Reveals Study: Call For Gentle Parenting?

A recent study has revealed that children whose parents indulge in "hostile" parenting methods at age three are 1.5 times more likely than their counterparts to develop mental health issues by the age of nine. The researchers observed the mental health symptoms of children at ages three, five, and nine.

The researchers studied internalising mental health symptoms, including anxiety and social withdrawal, and externalising ones, including hyperactivity, aggression, and impulsivity.

They discovered that 10 percent of over 7,500 children who were exposed to hostile parenting were at high risk for developing mental health problems. The study involved researchers from the University of Cambridge, UK, and the University of Dublin. The study was published in the journal Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences.

Hostile Parenting Risks Mental Health

"Hostile parenting is when parents engage in harsh disciplining techniques, both physical and psychological. Hitting or yelling at children for both big and small mistakes, shouting at them regularly, locking them up in a room or outside the house, exhibiting frequent outbursts of anger, and hitting children with objects like a scale, belt, ladle, etc. are examples of hostile parenting," said Sarika Karnad, a psychologist at Gytree. Children who are exposed to hostile parenting are more susceptible to stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. They may also have trust issues and find it difficult to form healthy relationships.

Unfortunately, many Indian parents tend to be highly authoritative towards their children. The concept of gentle and respectful parenting doesn’t exist in the majority of families. It’s not that these parents don’t love their children, but the idea that hitting, yelling, isolating, and giving harsh punishments to children will only help raise disciplined children has been deeply ingrained in our system.

"Following gentle and respectful parenting might also mean unlearning a lot of things we have learned over time," said Sairka Karnad. "Since this is the kind of parenting that most of us were exposed to or learned from our parents, we tend to repeat the same, thus passing on generational trauma to our children," she added.

Toddlers are loud, messy, adamant, fussy, and know exactly how to push their buttons. But they are going through a developmental phase, and we as adults need to understand that and be supportive. "As a toddler, being hit for speaking loudly or being a messy eater can be very confusing and scary. They don’t even know what they have done wrong. In a hostile environment, the parents themselves become unpredictable and scary, while they should actually be the child’s support and safe space," said Karnad.

As parents, we expect our children to behave in a certain way. We want our children to be disciplined, neat, and easy. But that’s not what parenthood is. Parenthood is challenging; every part of it is! And we have signed up for it, so we better work on equipping ourselves better to be gentle and respectful parents. Who said gentle parenting doesn’t work? The more we yell at a child, the naughtier they become. So why not try approaching them in a friendly manner?

"It’s important for us to regulate our own emotions, understand our own anger and frustration, and remember that as carers, it is our responsibility to take care of children," said Karnad. Yes, they will push our buttons, but we are adults and need to model the behaviour we expect from them.

We need to regulate our children and ensure they behave well, but hostile parenting isn’t the right way to do that. "We can set boundaries with our children, but we also need to explain them to them using simple words. We need to communicate why certain behaviour is inappropriate, how it makes us feel as parents, and why they aren’t allowed to do certain things," stated Karnad. "For instance, if your child is drawing on the wall, you could provide them with a particular section of the wall and explain why the other areas are restricted instead of punishing them," she added.

Hostile parenting will create a huge drift in the parent-child bond as the child will begin looking at the parent more like a tyrant than a parent. We don't want that, do we? Children will also start distancing themselves from hostile parents. The lack of bonding can be highly detrimental to their well-being and safety. Haven't many of us wished that our parents did certain things differently? So, why not be that parent who provides a safe space for our children?

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