Why Women Who Choose To Be Homemakers Not Considered "Empowered?"

Imagine coming across two women: one dressed in a pantsuit and heels, carrying a laptop bag, and hurrying to a board meeting; another dressed in a casual kurti, holding her pre-schooler in one hand and carrying her or his bag in another, and walking back home. Now which of these women is generally and immediately considered "empowered?" Obviously, the former, right?

Why? Because she is career-oriented, financially independent, and has agency over her life. But who said a woman who "chooses" to be a soccer mom or a homemaker is not taking agency over her life? Why are we quick to assume that homemakers and stay-at-home mothers are dependent, unambitious, submissive, and wasting away life? Why can’t women who "choose" to stay back at home and take care of the family be empowered? After all, they have "chosen" this role out of their own will which means they are exercising their agency over their lives!

Sometimes women who are highly educated and are working a high-paying job might want to take a break after marriage or motherhood and focus on that part of their lives. If their spouse is earning enough to provide for the family, a woman, out of her own will, can "choose" to look after the family if she enjoys doing that.

Homemakers Are Empowered Too

Empowerment, by definition, means having control over one’s own life. This doesn’t necessarily mean that a woman needs to pursue a demanding career and make huge money. It just means she needs to be able to decide how she wants to live her life. The meaning of empowerment could change from one woman to another based on their choices. And choices are subjective. Pursuing a career and being financially independent could be empowering for one woman; staying at home and taking care of the family could be empowering for another. As long as it is her "choice," she is empowered.

So, why do we immediately visualise an empowered woman as someone who has a career and is financially independent? Patriarchal societies like ours have assigned household chores and parenting as women’s jobs according to their gender roles. So, no matter how much of work women do around the house and serves as the anchor, society doesn’t acknowledge their contribution. For ages, we’ve been told that this is what women are supposed to do, so why laud someone for fulfilling their responsibility?

But have we ever wondered what would happen if all the homemakers on the planet disappear for a day? If we do a little math, we’ll realise that homemakers are helping in saving Rs. 50,000–70,000 per month—that’s the amount of money we would be paying different people to do the work that a homemaker single-handedly does. If women were given the respect they deserve and their contribution in holding the family together is acknowledged, instead of being shamed as "just a housewife," many women would want to take a career break, stay back, and spend time with their family. Why wouldn't a mother want to raise her kid on her own instead of paying someone else to do it?

The narrative that only financially independent women will be respected puts women in a position to pursue a career even if they don’t want to. A woman who chooses to stay at home is not wasting away her education; she’s not unambitious or lazy. Her priorities are different – she chooses to look after her family, that doesn’t make her any lesser than a working woman. Yes, financial independence is important but not at the cost of doing what you don't want to.

As long as a woman is happy staying home, looking after the house, raising her children, and being respected for her contribution, why should her choice make her inferior? Choosing to be a homemaker doesn't mean she is submissive, anti-feministic, or a flag-bearer of patriarchy. The problem arises only when she is abused, disrespected, controlled, or neglected. People should start respecting women whether they choose to work at home or outside home.

If a couple has decided that the male partner is going to earn for the family while the female partner is going to take care of the house out of her own will, she has her own bank account and access to money, and she is respected, valued, loved, and treated as an equal partner in every sense, then she is definitely empowered. Being empowered is not necessarily about having a career and making money. It’s about having the agency to do what you want in life.

Suggested Reading: Being A Homemaker Is Not Easy. But Then Why Don’t They Get Much Respect?