Great Indian Kitchen Subtly Ask- Why Women Are Hesitant To Discuss Sex?

The film The Great Indian Kitchen features a scene where the husband intends to have sexual intercourse with his spouse once before going into abstinence. The wife hesitatingly says that intercourse always hurts for her, so if they could indulge in a bit of foreplay, it would be enjoyable for her too. The husband immediately gets offended and sarcastically says, "Oh, so you know everything about this." The sarcasm tone of the men raises the question can't women be aware of sexual pleasure and intimacy? Is it so hard for men to digest the fact that women can also have sexual preference? Also, is it wrong for women to disclose their desires and needs to their husbands in bed?

In a patriarchal country like ours, women are not allowed to talk about sex. It remains a taboo topic! Even when women do occasionally talk about sex, they do so in a hush-hush manner. A woman who is aware and vocal about her sexual needs and desires is perceived as being characterless. Like in the aforementioned scene from The Great Indian Kitchen, society can’t accept the fact that women are aware of sex and intimacy. If she knows about it, then maybe she has prior experience; maybe she has been sexually involved with other men; maybe she is characterless; and the list of speculations goes on.

Women Hesitant To Discuss Sex

Saranya (name changed), an IT professional and a toddler mom, said, "My husband and I haven’t made love in ages. I’m aware of my sexual needs, but I'm hesitant to open up to him as I don’t want to be judged or shamed. Growing up, many women like her are told not to even utter the word "sex." Women belonging to good families don’t talk about things like that; that is what has been taught to them. It is quite challenging to get over something that has been internalised into our brains right from childhood.

"Before the wedding night, my aunt told me to do what my husband wanted me to do, no matter how uncomfortable it was for me. A good wife is one who satisfies her husband in bed, is what I was told," said Kalpana (name changed), a media professional. Despite being educated and independent, why do women have to remain silent in bed while men are allowed to express sexual needs, desires, and fantasies? Aren’t women humans with feelings and emotions? Don’t women deserve to have their needs satisfied?

Sindhu (name changed), a stay-at-home mother, said, "I’ve been married for the past eight years, but I've never experienced orgasm. I really can’t muster the courage to talk to my husband about it because I feel embarrassed." A study by Durex revealed that 70% of women in India don’t orgasm every time they have sex. How could they when they don't discuss sex with their husband?

"When I was married, I once opened up about my sexual needs to my ex-husband. Keeping that in mind, he portrayed me as a characterless woman during our divorce," said Jessie (name changed), an IT professional who is now happily divorced.

Why does a woman need to have prior sexual experience to be aware of her sexual needs? Articles on the internet, books, podcasts, or sessions and workshops with a sex educator are enough for women to understand their bodies and sexual needs. Moreover, what is the big deal if women have been sexually active in the past? That’s a whole different topic, but the fact that it is seen as a heinous crime and dishonourable act is why women are afraid to talk about sex with their husbands.

Women fear that they will be judged, misunderstood, shamed, or rejected, regardless of whether they have an active or inactive sexual past. So, most of them don’t talk about sex with their husbands. When men can make demands in bed, when they can be vocal about their needs and desires, and when they can initiate sex, why can’t women? Understanding, respect, and trust are the bare minimum expectations in a relationship. What is a marriage that disregards a woman's feelings?

Suggested Reading: Why Is Bedsheet Virginity Test Still Used To Judge A Bride’s Character?