How Patriarchy Defines The Good Qualities Of An Indian Woman

Pages of history and mythologies have been dedicated solely to define the good qualities of an Indian woman. A good Indian woman embodies the sanctity of the nation and goddesses. One who exhibits the devotion of a queen. A good woman is a mother, sister, wife and daughter-in-law of the men who brave through the extremities of life. 

Should these definitions be seen as the touchstones to determine the character and legitimacy of women in today’s world? Unfortunately, nothing much has changed. Our society is obsessed with defining the limits of a ‘good Indian woman’ each time a woman tries to different and defiant. It is obsessed with invoking Bhartiya Sabhyata, a concept that reeks of sexism, each time feminism raises its voice.

So in this article, I am going to jot down the ‘good qualities’ of an Indian woman that our traditions have defined and leave it open for you to determine if they define a ‘good woman’ or a woman enslaved by the patriarchy

Good qualities of an Indian woman

1. A woman should be sacrificial

A 'good Indian woman' is ready to sacrifice her individuality to feed the male ego. She should prioritise the needs and wellness of the men in the family over her own desires, ambitions and wellness.

2. A woman should be devoted to her husband

The trope of sati savitri is often used to define the devotion of a 'good' woman towards her male counterpart. She should devote her life to serving and catering to the demands of her husband. She should treat her husband as an incarnation of God and worship him despite his tendency to oppress her.

3. A woman should not earn

Women in our society are mainly seen as the caretaker of the house. Their duties are confined within the four walls of a house. Even if she is earning, a woman is never seen as a primary bread earner. A 'good woman' should appreciate the financial independence of the men in the house rather than hurting the male ego by taking the charge of the finances.

4. A woman should observe every religious ritual

A 'good woman' observes every fast, ritual and custom of her religion. She should consider it as her responsibility to protect the family from the wrath of God. Even though the rituals demean her individuality, a good woman should blindly follow them without questioning the stereotypes they perpetuate.

5. A good woman should not speak up

The reputation of a 'good woman' lies in her silence. She should be shy and silent in front of men who get to pass orders, commit gender crimes and still demand respect. A good woman should respect a man irrespective of the fact whether the respect is reciprocated or not.

6. A good woman should cover her body

A 'good woman' doesn’t question the necessity of covering their body under the weight of patriarchal veils. She should not own her body, its desires and needs. A woman’s body is the property of a man. He gets to decide how it should be treated, decorated and covered.

7. A good woman should not enjoy sex

A 'good woman' shouldn’t explore her sexuality. She should be unaware of her bodily needs and sexual desires. Sex should only be an activity that caters to the desires of men. A good woman should not initiate, enjoy and demand sex.

8. A good woman should know to cook and decorate the house

A' good woman' should consider it as her responsibility to cook food and arrange the house without demanding any pay. Men shouldn’t be asked or expected to cook or keep the house clean. In fact, a good woman should feel happy because she is blessed with the ability to handle the housework and keep the family together. 

9. A good woman wants to be a mother

Another ‘good' quality of a woman in our society is her maternal instincts. It is assumed that a good woman is born with maternal instincts and always wants to be a mother. A mother who necessarily sacrifices her individuality to take care of the child rather than expecting men to be an equal partner in parenting.

10. A good woman marries the man of society's choice

A 'good woman' depends on parents' choice while marrying a man. She doesn't explore her own preferences and choices by dating a man or knowing him before marriage. For her ">marriage is more about reputation, security and duties as wife and daughter-in-law. And less about love, understanding and equality.

11. A good woman doesn't demand her rights if they are violated

Another 'good' quality of a woman is that she is satisfied with whatever society offers to her. She doesn't resist or demand. Bearing injustice is a way for her to prove her strength and her dedication towards preserving her family reputation.

For me, the idea of a ‘good Indian woman’ is mainly mythological. It is a concept that has been weaved in stories by patriarchy and cannot really survive in the reality. Because if it did, women will never be seen as individuals but as supporting characters that matter only till they fan the heroism of men. So we need to stop scouring for a ‘good woman’ and appreciate every woman for her defiance, flaws and achievements. Womankind is grateful to those women who busted the myth that a 'good woman' is. 

Views expressed are author's own