Is It Right To Shame Ghar Jamais?

The idea of ghar jamai has been the subject of a joke for a long time. Men who stay with women’s parents are shamed for being incapable of earning a house and reputation of their own. But is it right to shame ghar jamais? Why can’t men depend on women for their financial and social needs if it is okay for women to do so?

In our society, it is believed that men should be the ones who go out and earn. While women should stay inside the house, take care of the family and kids. Moreover, when it comes to &t=1120s">marriage, it is women who are supposed to leave their parental house and settle in the marital house. This stems from an age-old tradition when women were not empowered and were dependent on men for social and financial security.

Moreover, in times of war, kingdoms married off their daughters to the house of another king as a war prize or as a symbol of alliance. But today when there are no kingdoms at war why should we still stick to the old rigid traditions? Why even today women should be forced to leave their parental house and depend on their husbands and marital house? Why can’t men stay at their marital house?

The major reason behind our hesitation and giggles on the idea of ghar jamai is the patriarchal stereotype engraved in our mind that places men as the dominant gender responsible for financial empowerment while rendering women the subservient gender. But today when women are capable of rubbing shoulders with men and even achieve higher heights and success than men, then why should we allow such age-old stereotypes to govern our lives? How long are we going to abide by the rigid gender roles?

It is not only about the ghar jamais, even the househusbands are shamed for not earning and for depending on women for their financial needs. It is high time we understand that marriage is a bond of equals. There should be no existence of power-play or ego. If women can earn well, it is alright for men to be dependent on the for their financial needs. If men cannot own a house through their salary, it is okay for them to stay at the house bought by the woman.

Why should men always be expected to be the bread-earner of the family? Why should they be forced to earn a job, a house and a car to prove their legitimacy as a son or husband? Why can’t they depend on women who earn more than them and can afford a house? And why don't we raise the questions of the importance of financial empowerment when women are dependent on men for their financial needs? Just why it is okay for women to no be employed and empowered but not for men?

To conclude, I would also like to add that it is always better if both men and women are financially empowered. The logical reason behind this is that instead of one, there will be two sources of income to take care of the family. But it should not matter who earns more. Men should not be shamed if they earn less or want more time to explore their choices and career. A man’s worth is much more than his salary, house and reputation.

It is high time that we get rid of the idea that marriage is about ‘bringing’ a bahu home who takes care of the house and the family. We need to normalise that marriage is about allegiance between two people who share responsibilities, money and a house to begin a life together.

Views expressed are author's own