Why Should A Woman Endure Pain To Show Fidelity In Marriage?

I still remember the day when my mother said, “1-2 tthappad normal hai shaadi mein.” In a way, she was countering my argument against domestic violence and teaching me to endure pain in order to sustain a marriage. Similarly, many women are forced to endure pain in order to be loyal and committed to a relationship. But why should a woman endure pain to show fidelity in marriage? Why should a woman prove her loyalty by enduring pain? If she has to endure pain, is the relationship even worth the loyalty?

In our society when a woman is sent off to her marital house, she is not expected to come back no matter how the situation turns out to be. She is expected to hold on to her husband in every situation- be it in the times he keeps her happy or at times when he provides her with wounds. Sustaining a marriage, no matter how abusive it is, is considered to be the responsibility of a woman. If she falters, or if the marriage breaks, all the blame is put on the woman. So a woman is forced to sustain a marriage even by enduring pain.

I have met so many women who adjust to abusive marriages just because they are allowed to walk away. Pinky Devi, a domestic worker, is married for more than 15 years. But each day is hard for her as her husband comes home drunk and hits her badly. She goes to work every day with a bruised face because her husband doesn’t earn and she has children to feed.

On the other hand, Vandana Devi, a homemaker, is abused by her husband and in-laws. Her husband beats her with a belt and other things for a small mistake in front of her in-laws who do nothing but support their son’s anger. Every night she sleeps with tears drenching her pillows and her wounds. But she doesn’t raise a single voice to oppose the injustice being met to her.

Why? Why aren’t Pinky or Vandana trying to escape their abusive marriages? There are laws and rights supporting women to fight against domestic violence. But why aren’t women exercising them?

The reason behind this is the lack of understanding and knowledge. A woman is bred to believe that her marriage ensures her safety and security. If the marriage breaks, she will have to bear social criticism and exclusion which is nothing less than social death for women. Moreover, women are rarely taught that domestic violence is wrong. They are instead indoctrinated with the idea that husbands are greater than them and hence have the right to treat them in whichever way they want. And loyalty towards husbands lies in obeying everything that they demand.

While for men, it is just the opposite. They have the right to dominate women and no pressure to sustain marriage if they don’t like their wives. They have the freedom to leave their wives whenever they want and marry someone else. Enduring pain has never been a part of a man's loyalty towards his wife. In fact, a man is rarely expected to be loyal. Even if he isn’t,  the woman is tha one who has to adjust to her husband’s infidelity.

But dear society, women are machines that can absorb pain. They are humans who get hurt, bleed and cry over the loss. Stop treating them for granted. A woman has the right to oppose the wrong in marriages or relationships. Why should women make the tough choice of enduring pain or losing their safety and security?

So let us educate our women about their rights and give them the freedom to fight against wrong rather than getting burdened by it.

Views expressed are the author's own.