Sisters Before Misters: How Elder Sisters Can Support Younger Siblings

“I won’t let this happen to my sister,” I say to myself each time I face injustice at the hands of patriarchy that spreads in my house like mould. Whether it is about marriage pressure, sexual harassment and other gendered ideologies that women come across every day, I make sure that she is aware of the wrongs and injustices that women face.

As Ratna Pathak Shah rightly points out that home is the "nursery of patriarchy." Elder daughters are the ones who face the patriarchal restrictions in the family for the first time. The way they react to them is inherited by the younger sisters also. And that's why it is important to focus on this relationship because if we don't, the chain of patriarchal ideologies moving through generations will never be broken. Needless to mention that this focus on the relationship between two sisters will also challenge and break the stereotype that women are their own worst enemies. 

So being an elder sister, I take it as my responsibility to empower myself and to encourage my younger sister to follow the trail. So here are some ways in which an elder sister can empower her younger sister

How can elder sisters support younger sisters?

1. Accept and support her choices

It is not easy for women in patriarchal families to live their lives on their terms. Making choices and decisions are often seen as the domain of the man of the house. But an elder sister who is empowered can support and encourage her younger sister to put forth her choices and stand by them. She can encourage her to pursue the dream job, wear whatever she is comfortable in and express her desires and needs openly. 

1. Talk to her about sex, period and protection

It is common among Indian parents to not even mention the words sex and period in their regular conversations. And because of this, the children brought up in these families imbibe distorted knowledge about ">sex and ">period that affects them and others in several ways. So an elder daughter should take the responsibility to educate her younger sister about sex, period and protection. It will be more comfortable for the younger sister to learn, question and discuss these crucial topics with her elder sister than with her parents.

1. Advice her, but don’t impose your choices on her

Being the elder sister, it is undoubtedly your responsibility to advise your younger sibling about certain stages and issues in life. But remember, every human has a different attitude and intellect to deal with certain situations in life. So, while advising do not impose your ways and choices upon her. Let her decide how she wants to deal with the situation. After all, she needs to learn how to decide, choose and imply.

1. Don’t be interfering; Give her the privacy she deserves

Often, in a bid to help and empower younger siblings, elder sisters become much possessive and interfering. But this only reiterates the flawed idea of parenting in our society that doesn’t believe in the idea of privacy. So rather than encroaching on your sister’s privacy, let her understand the concept of privacy and how it is important for a peaceful life.

1. Encourage her to defy gender roles

Maybe your sister is not much interested in housework and would rather want to swish through the roads on a bike. Maybe she likes nightlife, mountain climbing and many other things that are seen as unfeminine and hence prohibited. As an elder sister, teach your younger sibling to defy the gender roles and create her own set of rules, likes and dislikes.

It is important to remember that an elder daughter can empower her younger sister only when she is an empowered feminist herself. And as many of us know, elder daughters face discrimination against elder sons in the subjects like marriage, inheriting the family business, and whatnot. Therefore, the way towards being an empowered elder sister starts with being an empowered woman. As Meghan Markle rightly says, "When a woman is empowered, it changes absolutely everything in the community."

Views expressed are the author's own.