Boys Can Date But Girls Can't. When Will These Double Standards End?

In our society, men have the freedom to do things that women usually aren’t allowed. Men can stay out late at night but women have to mind the danger to their safety. It is normal for men to have alcohol but women should mind the izzat of the family. Similarly, a woman I came across didn’t have the freedom to date or marry her beloved while men in her family were allowed to do so. Double standards? Hypocrisy much? But why and for how long?

The woman I am talking about never dated. The reason behind this, as many believed, was her high standards about choosing a person. But let me tell you neither were her standards high nor did she lack interest in dating. Because of the restrictions in her family, she never considered the idea of dating anyone. She internalised the fact that being a woman she cannot date a person or marry them.

Is this right? Why should a woman kill her desires just because society doesn’t approve of them? Why are all the restrictions in the family imposed strictly on women while men are exempted for being ‘ignorant’?

In our society, women are considered as izzat of the family. They are not allowed to do anything that leaves a spot on the family’s reputation. However, despite representing the family, women are not valued as much as the ghar ki izzat. In fact, the very idea of ghar ki izzat is used to oppress women and refrain them from living on their own accord.

On the other hand, men are considered the pride of the family. No matter how wrong they are, men are exempted from every restriction for being ghar ka chirag. Men are valued because they hold the responsibility of taking care of the family through their earnings. Moreover, they are considered less mature than women and hence ignorant. The narrative of ‘men will be men’ is constantly peddled to tweak the social norms as per the convenience of men.

Why the double standards in dating?

As far as dating is concerned, women are refrained from it because they are expected to marry a man approved by their families. They are not allowed to come in touch with any man apart from their husbands. Women are assumed to be the properties reserved for their future husbands who have the access to their lives and bodies. On the other hand, it is alright for men to have multiple relationships because no one expects them to control their apparently higher sex drives. Women are expected to be virgins on wedding nights while no such rule is applicable to men.

Many would say that these are old practices that don’t exist anymore. Well rightly so. We need to understand that social norms have been created by people who had sexist mindsets. Be it the double standards, the idea of ghar ki izzat or the suppression of women in every field- everything has been cooked up by a sexist mindset that existed years ago. But today when women are breaking glass ceilings and brushing shoulders with men, why should archaic ideas still rule us? Why can’t social norms modernise with the growth of the country?

However, the reality is different. Every second day we come across cases in which women are raped for trivial issues. Honour killing is still a reality in our society. Even our leaders follow the same sexist mindset even today. A deceased leader once said, “Ladko se galti ho jati hai. Kya rape case mein phasi di jayegi?” Moreover, Shaktimaan fame Mukesh Khanna shamed women for having sexual agency. He said, “Koi bhi ladki agar kisi ladke ko kahe ki, ‘I want to have sex with you’, woh ladki nahi hai, who dhandha kar rahi hai"

But how long will society favour men just because of the privilege invested in them by patriarchy? How long will women suffer under the sexist restrictions cooked up by patriarchy?

If men can be men, why can’t women be themselves?

Suggested Reading: Why My Friends Fall In 81% Of Indian Women Who Feel At Ease Not Being Married

Views expressed are the author's own.

Mansi Singhal is an auditor at AKM Global, a Business Management Consultant in Gurgaon.