She Broke Stereotypes. Now We Are Judging Dia Mirza for Not Doing More?

Dia Mirza controversy: Actor Dia Mirza recently got trolled after she announced that she was pregnant barely two months into her marriage.

Clearly, a couple’s sex life and decision to have a baby is a matter everyone feels comfortable scrutinising. Such was the fervour to diss a celeb for getting pregnant before marriage that no one even stopped to consider how it would impact her mental health, especially at this crucial point in her life. However, there is another side to the entire episode.

A woman recently questioned why Mirza did not announced her pregnancy sooner. Her logic? If Mirza's intent was to really break stereotypes then why not announce pregnancy even before marriage? Why wait for two months and announce now?

Dia Mirza had a female priest at her wedding, something we hailed as it broke many stereotypes. Now Mirza is being questioned, that if she was happy to break one stereotype, then why not have broken even more by announcing pregnancy much earlier. The question we are asking is : Why does Mirza owe us anything? She broke one, may be two but why are we questioning her for not breaking more?

Not just Dia Mirza, but almost every woman who breaks stereotypes and openly questions stigmas is expected to do more or to live by those virtues life long. Is that even human? Don't we all take small steps to everything?

And when they fail to do so for any reason, we question their commitment to the feminist movement.

Do women who break stereotypes commit to do so in every aspect of their life? Can they?

This attitude is a bit tactless and two dimensional. We all have our limitations and problems that we may not be comfortable explaining to everyone. Mirza didn’t pat her own back for having a female priest solemnise her marriage. We did it. And why not? How cool is that? She chose not to share the news about her pregnancy until she was sure it was safe (medically). However, people feel the need to question her because she is a celebrity and because the problems she might be facing may have never occurred to her.

A woman may break stereotypes by being the first one to hold a job in her family, but she may be still covering her head and performing all the household chores on her own. Another woman you may know may have broken a stereotype by marrying late in her life, but then she may also have abstained from sex till her marriage because she cannot bring herself to losing her virginity before marriage due to the social stigmas she is constantly surrounded with.

Do we applaud these women, and many more like them, for breaking a certain stereotype, or question them for holding on to others?

What we forget while passing an uncalled for verdict of such women is that activism of any kind comes with its limitations even to the most vocal of individuals. These limitations might not always be courtesy social constraints, but sometimes they may be a result of factors that an individual has no control over.

It is time that we learned to be kind, not just towards those whom we do not approve of, but towards those from whom we expect more. Life isn’t as black and white as we make it out to be, even for celebrities. You can raise your voice on some days, smash patriarchy into bits in walk of your life, but chose so dodge that fight in another aspect.

Views expressed are the authors own.