Dheere Bolo: Why Are Women Expected To Be Demure Not Outspoken?

Dheere bolo: Women in our society often get to hear this. Raising a voice or speaking loudly is considered a masculine trait that women should not exhibit. And if they do, their assertiveness is perceived as aggression which taints their character. But why is there a difference in how men and women express themselves? Why must women be demure and graceful? Why are assertiveness and anger seen as masculine traits?

Dheere bolo: why are women's voices shunned when they speak about tabooed topics?

In general women in our society are expected to speak gently, with their speech being a reflection of their obedience and submission to patriarchal ideologies. Their gracefulness is admired as a cherry on the top of the cake. Especially when it comes to speaking about tabooed topics like women’s sexuality, bras, sex or periods, women are shushed in an attempt to preserve their and their family’s reputation. Because a woman who speaks loudly and about anything is considered to be a threat to the reputation of the family.

I have personally witnessed this in my house. While sitting in the verandah of my house, I started discussing my bra size with my mother. Immediately, my mother and the housemaid asked me to lessen my volume so that our neighbours don’t listen that I am talking about my bra.

Women's voices are suppressed when they express opinion, resistance or anger

Raising voice to express opinion or resistance is considered unwomanly in our patriarchal society. When a woman’s speech exceeds the proverbial lakshman rekha and becomes assertive of their own views, choices and consent, it is shunned as a noise that disturbs the harmony of the society. While for men, it is normal to be outspoken and loud. Especially patriarchal men tend to express their disagreement, anger and opinion loudly enough to suppress the voice of the women around them. In my house, my mother’s loud voice or anger is hated and goes unheard while my father’s loud voice is respected as a command for immediate action.

Because of these biases at home, women internalise their silence as a part of their existence. They become reluctant to express their opinion and resistance in situations that demand their outspokenness. It is not shocking then that many women choose to bear injustice rather than raising voices against it. According to a 2018 report, the second-largest number of suicide cases involved housewives who were tortured through dowry harassment and domestic violence.

Moreover, the general attitude that women should be gentle while speaking 'villainises' those who don’t conform to the ideology. For example, studies have proved that employees working under ">female bosses who are assertive are likely to react negatively to their criticism and not prefer to work under them. An assertive female boss is shamed for being aggressive and bossy. While the same traits in male bosses are upheld as an attribute of a responsible and educated person.

Furthermore, women activists or protestors who raise their voices to express opinions or resistance are 'villainised' and judged based on their gender. Haven’t women like Safoora Zargar, Aishe Ghosh and women protestors at Shaheen Bagh been shunned because they were women with voices?

How long will silence be imposed on women?

But how long are we going to let women’s voices be lost in the cacophony of patriarchal ideologies? Do women not have the right to express their agreement or disagreement? Isn’t the very expectation that women should speak gently based on the idea that women never have anything important to say or to be heard? Do only men’s opinions, consent and resistance matter?

It is high time we stop assuming that silence and gracefulness are synonymous with womanhood. Women as free individuals have the right to speak loudly and about anything under the sky. There is no limit on how loud or expressive a woman can be. It is time that we turn our ears to women’s speech rather than trying to criticise it through patriarchal standards.