Desi Parenting : Will Feed You An Extra Roti, But Not A Word On Relationships

 "Ja Simran ja, jee le apni zindagi." How many of us have wondered whether we could hear these words from our parents, ever? Unfortunately, the lives of the children of our desi homes are no DDLJ like.

If you have been bought up in an Indian household, then you must know that certain things are taboo in your home and are never talked about. Of course, we love our parents and care for them as much as they do to us. They do what is best for their kids. However, how often do they ask the kids what they want? Certainly, this millennial era calls upon certain changes to the desi parenting that our homes are used to.

If one day, I end up finding my Raj will my parents accept my choice? How will I tell my parents that my relationship status has been updated from single? If only our desi upbringing had not considered relationships before marriage as weird and inappropriate!

A mistaken approach of desi parenting

An essential yet nonsensical feature of desi parenting is never giving relationship advice. Most often, we find ourselves heartbroken or in a toxic relationship because we do not know to make a relationship work out. Certainly, there is none better than our parents to guide us.

Since discussions on relationships are taboo, our parents are not aware of our side of the story. Hence blaming mobile phones for the kid’s bad decisions and heartbreaks have become a trending excuse of parents.

Falling in love and caring for someone is only natural. Being in a relationship before marriage does not make one characterless. Unfortunately, the parents are of the popular opinion that their kid will not or rather should not fall for anyone before marriage. For the parents, the only "acceptable relationship" is marriage.

If ever, the parents find out that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, difficult punishments follow the poor kid. Instead, the parents need to adopt a calm approach while explaining to the kids what you feel about the matter.

Also Read: Here’s Why Mothers and Daughters Must Talk About Sex And Pregnancy

Why is it necessary for parents to have relationship conversations with kids?

To begin with, keeping your relationship secret forces you to commit several lies. The fear of getting caught always bothers you around your parents. Often this leads to poor mental health. Also, a layer of transparency is removed between the kids and parents. If freedom and support are not guaranteed in your own homes, how could we expect values from the society outside your veranda?

Parental support is not just mandatory with academics or health. But it is necessary for social issues too. By having a healthy discussion about relationships, the kids are prepped to a future bond in wedlock. Sex education also forms an essential part of these discussion. Wedding your daughters off without sex education can wound and hurt the woman very deeply sometimes. But unfortunately desi parenting puts a taboo on the word 'sex' too.

In our country, the cases of eloping from home and getting married has ever increased, especially among teenagers. These couples often have to drop out of their education and start working for meagre wages to support themselves. This pushes them into poverty. But if the parents had a more kinder approach towards the matter and made them realise the consequences, these youngsters would have a better future. Probably a brighter future together.

So the question is assuming you have been through desi parenting, what will your approach to relationships be with your children? A taboo or an open forum.

Views expressed are author's own

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