20 Taunts By Desi Mother-In-Laws That Make Every Married Woman Roll Her Eyes

Desi mother-in-law taunts are complementary gifts every woman gets with marriage and which get her goat. From being blamed for not producing a grandchild fast enough to commandeering the house as per her own independent decisions too fast - the scope of where women can go wrong in their sasuraal is infinite.

In traditional, old-school Indian family setups, women still have second-citizen statuses comparative to their husbands, despite being called 'daughters'-in-law. Consistently being served taunts in the in-laws' house is taken to be but natural. It's common and so there's nothing extraordinary about it. So much so that last year in December, a Mumbai court observed that "talking sarcastically and taunting by in-laws is part of the wear and tear of married life."

While many &t=1s">saas-bahu relationships have evolved to reach friendship - &t=2s">watch Sameera Reddy and Manjri Varde talk about it - majority of what we witness in this realm, in real life or on trashy television soaps, are worthy of nothing more than a groan and an eye-roll.

Here are some pet favourite desi mother-in-law taunts bahus want to stop hearing:

1. Bahu, cover your head. Quick. Your sasur-ji is coming.

Yes, because God forbid if the father-in-law should ever find out that the bahu has a head sitting on her neck or that the head has hair on it or that it has a free-thinking brain inside it. Seriously, what is the point of this faux sanskaar? 

2. Why do you need to work after marriage? Are we not giving you enough?

Even if you are 'giving' her enough, what is the assurance that your son will never leave her? Or that she will leave him? Or that you will turn her out of the house one day because you didn't like what she cooked for lunch?

Should a woman kill her passion or financial independence only because she's married? Please, give her a break.

3. Good news kab suna rahi ho? 

It's partly pathetic and partly hilarious to see how, in a lot of Indian households, the pressure of 'good news' is only on the daughter-in-law. Newsflash! It takes two to make a baby. And it shall be made when the couple decides, not when the in-laws are in the mood for a grandchild.

4. I have to do everything in this house alone.

Are you serious right now? That's my line!

5. You're drinking!? Budhape mein yahi dekhna bacha tha. 

What should be a health choice, is put down as a preset rule basis gender. While men drinking is treated almost like a rite of passage into manhood, a woman drinking apparently indicates a society heading to doom. Double standards much?

6. My son is innocent. You must have said something to anger him.

Because how can a man afflicted with the 'raja beta syndrome' do any wrong? To a mother's eyes, he is the undisputed prince of innocence (and the household).

7. Ladke jaisi haircut kyun hai tumhari? We got our son married to a woman or man?

Both misogynist and queerphobic - how did you manage that? If a hairstyle defined identities, the measure of life would be per hairfall not choices. Unfortunately, for you, it's the latter that decides who we are.

8. We brought you into our house, gave you so much. You'll have to live by our rules.

Those terms and conditions you check and pass at the end of online agreements are no match for the tiresome T&Cs that come attached with Indian marriages. And the worst part is much of it is both senseless and unskippable!

9. Khaane mein namak kam hai. Again!

Okay, perhaps if you could take the trouble to enter the kitchen sometime and teach her how much is adequate, or send someone else who does, then maybe this problem would end sooner than your complaints.

10. Chai mein shakkar zyada hai. Again!

Heavens, will there ever come a day when this sugar and salt tug-of-war attains peace?

11. Look at her, just spending all of my son's money.

For women who don't earn or earn less than their husbands, the gold-digger label comes automatically attached, unfortunately. It's okay if mutual understanding sustains the marriage without competing salaries, but women must strive to attain financial independence as safety backbones.

12. Zyada parr nikal aaye hain tumhare. 

If standing for herself, fighting for her rights, demanding what's hers gave a daughter-in-law wings, then a lot of them would have taken flight from patriarchal in-law households long ago.

13. Ripped jeans? Is this the kind of sanskaar you will give your children?

The remark Uttarakhand Chief Minister Tirath Singh Rawat made this March about ripped jeans must have resonated with domineering in-laws across India who enjoy dress policing or conflating clothes with value systems. But we see the reaction Rawat got from women everywhere, so... beware.

14. Office work se fursat milegi toh give some attention to housework also.

Uff... working women, the bane of society. It's like the first priority status women hold is the marital one and then anything else. Jobs, especially, are still seen as extracurriculars for us.

Ever heard men being admonished for doing 'too much office work' over housework? Their first status is always employment-related, then marriage. Isn't it time we break out of all gender roles?

15. Women of our house don't give 'dance performances' on weddings.

This is picked up verbatim from someone I know who knows someone who said it. Women today are still shamed for partaking in merrymaking the way men enjoy at public events, even for something as joy-giving and common as dancing.

Why is fun gendered? 

16. Bahu eat ghee. Kal bachha kaise paalogi pet mein? 

Probably the only time women are actively encouraged to gain weight and not be shamed for it. But how must the bahu say ghee is probably not the kind of fatty stuff she is dreaming of? Pizza, where art thou?

17. You shouldn't be travelling alone with male members of the family.

Well, if your male members of the family are so unsafe to travel with - for me - then for the safety of women everywhere outside, they shouldn't be travelling at all, should they? Curb the perpetrator, not the target.

18. I just want someone to do a little seva for me. Am I asking for too much?

What that 'little' seva constitutes looks so different in a desi mother-in-law's head than it does in her bahu's. Often they comprise unrealistic expectations including, but not limited to 24/7 attention, being at her beck and call,

19. Why are you going out without your sindoor and mangalsutra? 

For married women, wedding relics like sindoor put them in double jeopardy: for the traditionalists, a woman without these 'markers' of marriage may well be trying to lure male attention towards her. For the radicals, wearing these ornaments means giving into patriarchy.

How about we just educate women and let them choose?

20. Bahu, why do you visit your parents so much? It doesn't reflect well on us.

Applause for in-laws who think the whole world revolves around them. Must a married woman stop visiting her parents, caring for them, being sensitive to their old age after moving out? Should she give up on those who have raised her only because those who have raised her companion will feel insulted? Teach your sons instead to care for their in-laws too.

Views expressed are the author's own.