Why do Desi Moms have Different Standards for Working Men and Women?

“My son is working all day, he is so hard working, I am very proud of him!”  – This is a common statement the mother-figures and other family members in an average working Indian male’s life decorate them with, frequently. Complimenting on accomplishments of men should happen often and they do deserve the same. But no disparity should exist for women in the same context.

As women we have a sense of sisterhood for other women always. I have always found the dilemmas of the Indian working women extremely bothersome. I always ponder as to why working women are given a tough time and expected to multi-task like a robot constantly.

Today, all my observations are culminating into my words. As a law professional, I have often observed the tight-spots of women of working class category. Undoubtedly, some women find the perfect balance between their personal and work life. But unfortunately some cannot. And there is nothing wrong with it. The domestic household of a working woman expects a lot from her, to be accurate, it expects flawless results! Sadly, no one from that same domestic household understands the plight of that working woman. The brother of the same working woman; the husband of the same working woman or any other male counterpart of that same working woman is hailed for the amount of time he invests at work in that domestic household. But, when a woman decides to take charge of her career, her aspirations and her work life and achieve her goals, she is labelled to be  "a self-centered woman”, " a lazy woman"  or a person escaping her duties as a dutiful daughter, wife, mother, etc.

Why do our Desi households not have equal standards for working men and women? At times many women are seen sulking in guilt as they are unable to do the “divine balancing act”.

A working woman always torn between her duties towards her domestic household and towards her work life.

Moreover, this pandemic has already given everyone enough stress. And amidst such troublesome situations a working woman stands extremely disadvantaged. Why? - Because work from home (WFH) is not as easy it seems to the non-working category. The biased members of a domestic household may assume that the woman is simply sitting with a laptop and having a gala time. Working from home has immensely increased the screen time for everyone. And the work life of everyone has become more physically and mentally straining and more demanding. So when a woman is working from home on her laptop, attending her video meetings, she is taunted to be wasting her precious time upon futile things. This behaviour is very unfair for any woman. My heart reaches out to every working woman out there, because they do not deserve such unfair discrimination.

Recently, I attended an online session on menstrual hygiene. And the speaker therein enlightened me and fellow women attendees that from the time we women have been exposed to this pandemic situation; the menstrual cycles of women have also borne the brunt. As we know, stress affects our menstrual cycles. And due to the current complexities, women are exposed to new challenges every day. Therefore, irregular periods, painful periods, extreme stress, anxiety have become very common. And as an addition to all these challenges, every working woman has her own Catch-22 at her domestic front.

And NO- this is not an average woman’s everyday complaining session or a sympathy gaining tactic. This is a simple hope- to stand in solidarity of working women. Even, I as working woman have my own challenges. And I strongly opine that such stressful pressure to perform flawlessly on the domestic front and forget her career goals or aspirations should not be imposed upon any woman. Every woman should be given her freedom to excel in her respective field.  It is hazardous for any person’s mental health to be treated in an unfair manner. As well as physically draining, as the amount of energy required to tackle so many responsibilities and duties at the same time is huge.

We are capable of doing beautiful things, one’s work can impact so many lives, directly or indirectly. A female doctor from a rural area might have given hope to many women from that rural area or a female officer at a local bank may have inspired a common woman to educate her daughter and make her a banker. And as aptly remarked by Michelle Obama- “No country can ever truly flourish if it stifles the potential of its women and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens.” Therefore, this flow of energy should never be suppressed with any kind of unfair behaviour but instead should be harnessed to achieve gender parity.

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