Dear Desi Aunty, Raise Your Son Well, Don't Criticise Me

Even if we don't want it, the neighbour hood desi aunty is always happy to give us unsolicited advice. How should a girl sit, eat, speak, roll her eyes and what not. I really can't unhear some of those toxic comments. "Beta, izzat bhi kuch hoti hai," or "beta girls should not go out late at night" or "why can't you just go out with girls?"

But what I have never understood is why keep blaming and questioning girls? Why don't desi aunties raise their sons better? So here I have got a bunch of things together I would like every Indian aunty to know. 

1. Chotti hai apki soch, not my kapde

The people who say that women with short clothes invite rapists and eve-teasers imply that no person should take their neck and roam around freely as the serial killer will kill them. According to desi aunty, its not the serial killer's fault. But why were you roaming freely with a neck? A serial killer will kill no matter what...you need to be more careful.

If you understand the moral behind this example you'll understand why it is not the length of the clothes which are responsible for crimes against women but only and only the mindset of the criminal. Have you ever wondered why young children and even babies are also not safe? Did a child's clothes' length matter there?

Hence, teach your son to respect women at all times and places. Teach him to be lose out the curse words which feature women in them. Dont blame the girls to cover your son's problematic mindset.

2. Stop telling me to ''theek se baitho''

When one talks about equality, why is it that we expect men to sit in a certain way and women to sit in a certain way. Why should a woman sit the way you want her to sit? Hence please, I will sit the way I feel comfortable.

3. Nahi lena mujhe home-science

Why do desi aunties think that women want to focus on home making only? Why are men free to do their 'Main udna chahta hu… daudna chahta hu.. girna bhi chahta hu bas rukna nahi chahta" stuff and I am not? You say you believe in equality and then you tell me to have a job where I can also manage my children? What kind of hypocracy is this? Why are men not struck with the question that how will you manage your family if you have this as your profession?

I will not choose a career path just because it serves in a man's favour in the future. I will choose the profession I am passionate about. And your stereotypical mindset cannot change that.

4. I am done with your "Humarey zamaney mein…" gyaan

You wouldn't talk back to your parents, you'd quietly take the domestic and mental violence from your husband and look after your children endlessly. And now you expect me to do the same? If you ask yourself, are you happy with your life? Would you say yes? Would you want me to be unhappy? As you know, the truth is my sukh and happiness does not lie in my family's sukh and happiness.

And yes, the society was quite patriarchal back then. I am thankful it isn't as bad. I am sorry that you, dear desi aunty, had to go through various atrocities. But you have a choice now. Be the person who hurt you or be better. Evolve for good, aunty. Things have changed and its time your mentality changes too.

5. Please stop with your, "Raat ko 12 baje ghar ke bahar?"

If your son has a variety of work timings and you are okay with it, then why is my night shift problematic? And no, its not my fault if the world is not safe in the night. It is because of mothers like you who cant teach your raja betas to respect women. Hence, rather than stopping me, teach your son to be better.

6. Yep Desi Aunty, ye Tattoo hai

Stop tattoo shaming me please. I know its a tattoo. I know its permanent. Its my body in the first place. So if I don't judge your temporary tattoo of the Mehendi then don't judge my tattoos too.

7. "Tumhari bra ka strap dikh raha hai!", Yep, Cuz I am wearing one

Firstly, I started wearing a bra because of your social pressure. I didn't opt to wear wires around my breasts that would ultimately choke me throughout the day. So if you do see my bra strap, thanks for noticing, she is really expensive.

8. Yes Aunty, We Talk About Sex Ki Baatein, Sex Education tha humare syllabus mein, kash apke bhi hota....

Desi aunties would shame young girls for talking about sex, periods or buying condoms etc and be roaming around with five to six children. Not only this, desi aunties would schedule our sex for us, 'shaadi ko ek saal hogaya? Abhi baccha karlo'. Well aunty, please stop with the controlling attitude. My sexual health is my concern. My choice of having or not having children is also my concern. Please don't impose your whims and wishes on me.

9. Please stop with the "thora put on kiya hai?"

I may put on weight or lose weight depending on various factors. But shaming me for gaining weight or losing it is a part of body-shaming which is toxic. Your taunts arent helping me pay my bills. So at least don't damage my mental health which will add up to my bills again.

10. And please stop body-shaming me saying, "itnee kaali ho gayii ho"

So it's completely fine if your son has got tanned by playing sports out in the sun. But when I do the same, you'll come and body-shame me? What's this hypocrisy in the disguise of worry? There is no problem with darker or fairer skin. Hence please stop with the body-shaming as it is doing irreversible damage to the minds of young girls.