Shaddi Ke Baad: Why Does Marriage Pressure From Parents Push Certain Limits?

Millennials who were born in the 90s can totally relate to what it is to come under parental pressure of getting married. If not parental, the pressure from society and married friends might be mounting now. The 90s born is usually known as the transitional or experimental generation. It means they are abiding by the old mindset and coping with the new thought process. Which is something not understandable by our parent’s generation. At this age most tricky is to escape the net of marriage. I mean so many of you might have fallen for this net for parents - to make them happy. Several of you might have cut short a love story to make a life story for your parents. So many of you might have chosen a partner, whom you don’t love.

China Bride Breaks Down Over Forced Marriage

I came across an article from China, where a woman named Yan broke down on the day of her wedding because she couldn’t take it anymore. She admitted that she said yes to a blind date to satisfy her parents. The video of a 20-year-old Chinese bride in which she confesses not being in love with the man and giving in to her old parents’ wish has gone viral. She admits to marrying the person only because of her parent's expectations and cultural norms. According to Yan, her parents are getting older, relatives are pushing and neighbours gossip about her marriage. After coming under a lot of pressure, she decides to end it and decided to marry a man she met on a blind date despite feeling indifferent towards him. She does not see a future for herself and marriage is the only way to relieve her parents.

Yan at least could break down, but women in India cannot not, they just accept their fate and end up marrying the wrong person. People do understand where this parental pressure comes from parents other hand don’t try to mellow it down instead keep pestering their children. It is more difficult for women, as our cultural norms have a fixed age bracket wherein women must get married. After that, she is not up from the marriage market, just a leftover who will get leftovers and not have ample choices left. Women denying to get married means they might have an affair is the first thing that comes to mind. Even parents have a similar thought, and they will keep you nagging about making feel useless about yourself. The so-called ‘Get Settled’ is so embedded in parents’ minds that they can only see marriage as settled, no other definition can be applied to it. A few parents will emotionally blackmail you with words and other few will grow cold on you. Either of them will go on silent war, or keep telling you the aftermath of getting married so-called late. They will make unreasonable arguments like- “look at your cousins living a happy life, what you are earning is peanuts, get married and then fulfil your dreams, Marry or your will pregnancy is an issue”, and more. 

Often parents don't realise how their certain words cut deep down, they threaten, nag and even blackmail just to portray how depressing it is for them to see their kids not getting married. Sometimes resistance to marriage also cost a woman her character. Parents can also be shrewd with their comments. Parents don’t understand this is a mental trauma, it can dent for life. If not trauma lot of things can go wrong, such as dislike towards the husband, divorce can be on the table, and more.

A woman should marry if she is ready because post-marriage with all cultural norms has a lot of changes. It is the women who suffer a lot from all these changes. It may be a relief for parents but it is a huge burden on women for marrying without a will. This could be dangerous. Why parents don’t understand this? They keep talking about ‘bacho ki khushi’, but why do they force children to do something against their will? How can parents ask their daughters to suffice relatives? Why won’t their children sync with cultural norms? Can’t parents let their children take their time to make a life-changing decision? And for that matter, why children should give in to their emotional blackmail?

Parents need to learn their daughters have to go through major life changes, which is scary enough, but forcing them to marry could be more deadly. They need to talk it out, and explain, instead put pressure on their children. Parents need to understand why their daughters don’t want to marry, take their will into consideration and respect their decisions.

Suggested Reading: Why My Friends Fall In 81% Of Indian Women Who Feel At Ease Not Being Married