Why Are Men And Women Treated Differently For Cheating On Their Partners?

Cheating on partners can rarely be justified. Be it a man or a woman, no one is right if they cheat on their partners. It not only erodes the trust and understanding in a relationship but it also takes away the warmth of love, leaving behind a cold space of misunderstanding. However, in our society, the consequences of cheating differ with gender.

If a man cheats, he is forgiven and asked to move on. But if a woman cheats on her partner she has to endure character assassination, slut-shaming and ostracisation. Is it possible that society only considers cheating a moral issue when it is committed by women?

In July this year, I read about a woman who was forced to carry her husband on her shoulder and walk through her village allegedly because she had an extramarital affair. Instead of intervening, the villagers threw sticks at the woman shaming her for having an affair. While a video of the incident went viral later, leading to police action against the woman's husband and in-laws, will any action ever compensate for the humiliation and the pain that the woman was made to endure? If the woman was indeed having an affair, why didn't the husband take legal action and move on with his life? Why did he and his family feel compelled to shame the woman?

Cheating in marriage: Does gender play a role in accountability?

When women have extramarital affairs, it becomes a matter of their character and the izzat of their family. Having a sexual partner outside marriage is considered to be a masculine trait because society has stereotyped men as promiscuous. But when it comes to women, loyalty and fidelity are the norms that are used to define our kind. So sex becomes a duty that women must perform to please their husbands. Be it self-pleasuring, pre-marital sex or even sex in a marriage- society denies women agency over pleasure. If a woman uses sex to seek pleasure, she is shamed for not being sanskari and breaking the norms of society. She is held responsible for tarnishing her family’s reputation and putting herself above the sanctity of society.

On the other hand, when men cheat on their partners, they are allowed to walk free based on the conception that men will be men. They can never control their sexual urges which is fine because masculinity is defined by sexual urges and the will to fulfil them. Extramarital affairs are also considered a sign of immaturity, which society shrugs off as typical male behaviour. However, since women are assumed to be mature they are held responsible for sustaining a &t=3s">marriage. This means that only are they expected to never stray from their marital vowss, they are also expected to forgive husbands for cheating. Woh toh aadmi hai. Woh aisa hi karega. Lekin tum toh samajhdar ho. How could you commit such a mistake, women often get to hear this.

In 2018, Supreme Court decriminalised adultery and so any punishment for it, whether meted out to men or women, is not justifiable. If cheating is bad then it is for both men and women. If it is forgivable, then it is so for both men and women. Adultery is an ugly aspect of monogamy that is often brushed under the carpet or penalised heavily, based on gender. When in fact, we need to discuss the issue with sensitivity and focus healing of the partner who has been cheated on and whether a marriage has been damaged beyond repair by an extramarital affair, or are there chances of reconciliation on both ends

Views expressed are the author's own.