Looks Are Deceptive, Stop Defining Marriage Through Beauty!

A mere comment on the way you look could be so infuriating that can hit self-esteem and confidence. Have you ever wondered about someone telling  you to doll up to look presentable in front of the groom’s family? For many it is a itchy thought but we became part of because that's how so-called process of marriages work. Many girls fall prey to it simply because it is the norm.

Not everyone has privileges of opposing it. No matter how much a person opposes it, marriage is considered the basic act in which every human must indulge. Marriage is seen as a necessity to live a peaceful and secure life in society. Especially for women, marriage is the key to their social and financial security. Without marriage, a woman is neither safe nor respected. They are labelled as left-out women if they don’t marry on time.

Marriage could be accepted as a necessity by many people but considering it as a validation of one’s looks and worth is not right. Can we oppose that looks don’t fish the right groom? It requires more than that. The compatibility, similar mindset, understanding level, and ability to accept the partner as it. With acceptance, ifs and buts have no place, and looks are one of the ifs.

A few days ago, I expressed my dilemma about marriage to my parents. When I said that maybe it is time I should look for a partner. My parents instantly replied, “For that, you will have to reduce weight.” Of course, the idea again pushed me away from marriage, but it also triggered my insecurities. If my parents believe that for a good partner, I need to look good, how will I convince others to think differently? How will I be able to trust my parents’ choices when I actually get married? Won’t there be constant conflicts between us which will then lead to guilt and anxiety for life?

My case is definitely one among the million others. Because, in our society, women are forced to assume that fetching a good groom depends on good looks. They are indoctrinated with the idea that if a groom rejects them, it automatically shows the flaws in their beauty and character.

Can Looks Be Criteria for Marriage?

Maybe one of the reason why women are groomed to be beautiful brides since their childhood. They are not allowed to be out in the sun so that they don’t lose their fairness. The eating habits are restricted to control their weight gain. The way they dress is also policed because dressing sense too determines whether a woman is worth a good groom. Lenses, make-up, surgeries and much more pretentious elements are used to present women as someone they are not. These supplements are nothing but carries notion of enhancing beauty.

One must question- what is the definition of good looks? Doesn’t it depend on social standards? Is it right to force a woman to change herself as per social norms? If every woman fights to be the same, what will be the value of a woman’s individuality? Wouldn’t their unique identity get lost in the homogeneity of patriarchal standards of beauty? It is not only about patriarchy, homogeneity, or beauty. It is about life and how one wants to live it. Usually life which doesn't align with societal standard is not respected.

Dear society! If a woman is not accepted the way she is, will the marriage ever succeed? If a woman has to pretend to be someone else, will she ever be happy in the marriage? Is it not cheating the groom too by presenting the bride as a pretence? Are you going to deal with what happens with her next? Besides, how long looks are going to last. Think about it!

So stop connecting the marriage of a woman with her looks. Her looks should be the last thing that fetches the right groom. We need to remember that looks or beauty is temporary. They will shed one day with the growing age or increasing burdens of life. This doesn’t mean that a woman becomes invalid when she grows old. But one cannot depend on the looks of a woman’s younger self to accept her in her older age. It is not wrong when one says that looks are deceptive.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. And so it cannot be made dependent on temporary looks. It needs a deeper and stronger base so that it survives for a long time without any deceit or pretence.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Suggested Reading: Marriage Provides Health Benefits: Here’s Why