Toxic Tropes I Learnt From Bollywood Romantic Films That I Lived To Regret

He walked out of his house, slowly and elegantly. A gush of air rushed through his hair which danced like the grass of DDLJ’s farm. In no time, I could hear violins and guitars playing the most romantic tune. And it dawned upon me that I was in love! Wait a minute! Does this happen in real life? Who paid for the musicians? And didn’t the man with the grass-like hair hear that too? And how can I even fall in love with a person I don’t even know?

This is exactly the picture of how the standards of love and romance change from the Bollywood screen to real life.  Though Bollywood deserves the credit for making love and romance beautiful, it is also the breeding ground for unrealistic expectations from relationships. Love at first sight, sweeping a girl off her feet, dupatta tucked in man’s watch and songs, breeze and rain appearing suddenly during the romantic moments-Bollywood has woven these and many more dreams about perfect romance.

I was also one of those mesmerised Bollywood fans who got hold of these dreams. My idea of perfect romance was mostly based on romantic movies of Bollywood that I loved watching. I used to imagine myself in the place of the actors and feel their emotions- both joyous and painful. But today, all those dreams have been replaced by traumas that my obsession with Bollywood romance gave me.

 Misleading Bollywood Romance Tropes

Stalking is love

The first thing that I regret is my misconception that stalking was an expression of love. Though I was never stalked by anyone, I knew many of my classmates who were. I don’t know how but this made girls like us who had no stalkers jealous and less desirable. Today, I know the reason.

Hindi films like Rehna Hain Tere Dil Mein, of which I was a huge fan, normalised stalking as the most romantic way of expressing love. The more stalkers you had, the more popular and desirable you are. But thankfully, I understood the flaw in this and started opposing stalking.

Thappad se darr nhi lagta sahab

Bollywood movies have normalised domestic violence too as a part of dreamy love stories. They have taught us that the ones who fight with each other are the ones who love each other. Moreover, these movies normalised male dominance of hitting their beloved if they go wrong and getting away from it with a small apology. At times, an apology was also not required since the women felt guilty for committing the mistake.

But after having witnessed domestic violence in my life and how traumatic it is, I realised that thappad was violence, not love. I stopped buying the false ideas sold by Bollywood and started speaking intensively against domestic violence.

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Pyaar ek baar hota hai

I am sure you must have heard this dialogue in many romantic Bollywood movies. These movies sold us the idea that once we fall in love, our life should revolve around that person. No matter what happens, the first love is always pure and meant to reach its destiny. Internalising these ideas made my dating life miserable.

When I fell in love for the first time, I used to imagine that I have found my life partner. But we broke up. And after that, I started feeling that I was not capable of love or I will never fall in love again. I closed all the doors and isolated myself as I thought that was the end. However love did find me and this time it taught me that falling out of love, respecting others’ choices and breaking promises are a part of relationships. So I am no longer afraid of break-ups nor do I make them the reasons for self-sabotage.

Unsolicited kisses and advances are the most romantic

Bollywood movies are famous for the scenes in which the hero moves toward a woman to kiss her without asking for any consent. Not only kissing but &t=1122s">marrying without consent is also common in Bollywood romantic movies.

However, these scenes undermine the importance of consent. If there is no clear consent, neither kissing nor marrying can be legitimate. And thankfully before romanticising it rather than questioning it, I understood the flaw in these apparently romantic ways of violating consent.

Dressing a certain way will get you more attention

Bollywood movies have given us two different standards of attractiveness in women. While some movies upheld the western style of dressing others were obsessed with traditional wear. So automatically, the movies made us internalise that love is related to how you dress. The female actors in Bollywood movies are always shown dressed up which is far from reality. Consequently, many of us started fearing the idea of our crush catching us off guard in our worst looks.

But today, I no longer care whether my dress attracts men or not. I wear what I am comfortable in: be it traditional or pyjamas. I have realised that obsession with women's dress in movies was not romance but patriarchy policing women's clothes.

I know there are many more false ideas of romance that Bollywood has been selling us for years. But the point is are we buying them? We need to understand the difference between screen and real life. Life is not a script with a perfect and predictable ending. A movie might be restricted by a particular era and its mindset.

But our life keeps changing and so does our understanding of things around us. So let’s not make a particular movie our prototype of life and be open to new learnings and unlearning. Moreover, I hope Bollywood gives us better standards and dreams about romance before we stop watching them.

The views expressed are the author's own.