Dear Society, Why Do You Have To 'Define' How A Bengali Bride Should Be?

Indians see Bengali brides as women who are coy and obey their in laws going against their desire. The regressive Bengali daily soaps on television have only added to the list of "expectations" one should have from a Bengali bou. 

It is compulsory for a married Bengali woman to "look married". What does that even mean? Even when she is at home, she cannot let go of heavy jewellery, elaborate sarees and of course shankha (conch-shell bangle) and pola (a red coloured bangle). But why does the society have to tell us how Bengali bride should be?

Bengali brides don't have to "make a choice"

We grow up believing that women can either be homemakers or earn their own living. The case is no different with Bengalis and their thought process about brides. They want to get their sons married to someone who can devote her entire time at home and have no social life. But today, a bride from a Bengali family should not have to make a choice between her career and family.

She can be a working woman, wife, daughter-in-law and mother all at the same time, with equal efficiency. But again, we cannot expect her to manage her work and home alone. It's 2021 and the men of the house should step forward to take an active part in the household chores without a second thought. The house belongs to both partners. Why should only women take its charge then?

Do husbands really need to take our "responsibility"?

Among Bengalis, there is a custom called Bhaat Kapor. Here, after the wedding the groom offers a plate full of delicacies and a saree to the bride saying that from now on, it is his responsibility to feed and clothe her. But are women really dependent on their husbands now? No, they no longer ask for men to arrange food and clothes for them. it is not "just a ritual". It makes women feel that they cannot look after their own needs and have to turn towards her husband for all their requirements. Sadly, this tradition is followed in all Bengali households after they welcome the bride. When are we discontinuing this regressive ritual and accepting the fact that women don't get married because they "need" men but simply because they want an equal partner?

Meet some cool Bengali brides

A couple of years back, the video of a Bengali bride who broke the traditional wedding rituals went viral. After she performed the kanakanjali ritual (throwing a few handfuls of rice at mother signifying repaying of debts), she refused to accept that "she has repaid her parents' debts". Instead, she said that one can never repay the debts of one's parents. Not only that, she did not bid goodbye with tears but with a smile assuring her mother that she will visit home frequently as it will always be her house.

Even popular culture is now opting for the portrayal of progressive brides. The 2020 movie Brahma Janen Gopon Kommotti speaks of one such new age bride, Shabari. A professor of Sanskrit, she is also a female priest who changes the orthodox perception people have towards religion. Shabari teaches us why praying during periods is not a sin and why kanyadan is a regressive wedding ceremony. Read more on her and other strong female characters in Bengali films here.

Views expressed are author's own