Being The Daughter Of A Single Mother, Here Is Why My School Life Was The Worst For Me

The picture of the "perfect Indian family" is attacked with the concept of "single motherhood". How can society make their calm with the fact that an independent woman is taking all the decisions of her life and her children while her husband is still alive?

My mother, being the first feminist I ever aspired to, left her in-laws with my elder sister who was 16-year-old at the time and me, 10-year-old at the time. After over 20 years of suffering, she took the decision of separating from my abusive father and his family.

Challenges I faced Being The Daughter Of A Single Mother: My School Life Became A Nightmare

I don't recall any specific day when I just knew that was the last day of my and my mother's normal happy life. Maybe it was the day my father shattered my mother's business or the day when my grandmother sorted to beat up my mother for giving birth to two girl child. However, I certainly recall the day which was the first day of my own struggle in which I was alone- my new school.

My entire world changed right from the day my mother decided to leave my father and her in law's house. I could no more post father's day wishes on my social media, my father's signature column in my diary would stay blank and my friends would always get awkward when their fathers would be around. My misogynist teachers, who always wanted to talk to my "father" because they are the ones who are educated, always had a complaint when my mother attended my parent-teacher meetings.

In India, this is somehow the mindset of the majority of people that if a kid's parents are separated, they are supposed to stay unhappy and depressed their entire lives. My friends were no exception. They assumed me to be the "sad new kid" who doesn't have a father. Somehow I would always feel guilty when I would laugh in front of them as they expected me to be eternally depressed. However, I could never explain to them that I couldn't be any happier after I left my father and his house.

My Life Changed After The Separation

Starting right from the time I developed intelligence and understanding, there has not been a single day when I didn't see my mother crying or when there were no fights in the house. However, none of these difficulties was equivalent to those I faced from the world for not having a father. I started getting too much attention from neighbours who were suddenly very much concerned about my life. Whenever there would be any kind of business loss from my father's side, my mother would be blamed for performing "black magic."

Social gatherings were the worst among all the challenges I faced as my mother's intention to leave my father was the favourite topic for the "nosy aunties" gathered there. Whenever I would perform poorly in my academics, the blame would go on my mother, accusing her of being the reason for my distractions. Everyone claimed my mother's bold decisions to be the reason for my anxiety, they believed she did not let me have a normal childhood by separating me from my father. This resulted in my constant panic of proving them wrong by excelling in my academics although I was never strong in the same.

The worst challenge among all was my constant pressure to be a "good girl" as I always knew all of my mistakes will be later blamed on my mother. I remember a day when I was late for my maths tuition as I lost track of time petting a street dog. My tuition teacher called up my mother and said "I think your way of leading life is affecting your daughter. She doesn't concentrate on her studies as she is always worried about her father, consider patching up with him."

I Was Jealous Of My Friends With A Perfect Family

After the separation, I was always reminded by society how my family was incomplete in the absence of a father. There were times when I had given in to these efforts of society. I would question my fate and consider my family incomplete. I started being jealous of my friends who were dropped off and picked up by their father. I felt like everyone wanted to show off their perfect dads. I felt like all their posts with their father were intended to attack me. I behaved hysterically around the fathers of my friends and blamed them for my grief.

Growing up, I realised how I let society get successful by believing their stereotypes. Loving my new life didn't happen in a single day. It took years for me to break free from societal standards. Now, I can finally lead a life where I do not get intimidated by families with a dad because even if imperfect, my family is not incomplete, period.

Views expressed are author's own