Complex Financial Freedom: Do Women Fully Desire, Own & Enjoy Money?

We all know that more and more Indian women are stepping out to work. But does it really translate into financial independence and agency? The anecdotal evidence based on observing women around us seems to suggest otherwise. Women and work are synonymous in human history. Women have been silently doing their bit for centuries to make societies move forward but their contribution has seldom been acknowledged. Women are like elements of nature. Missed only in their absence.

Women's Relationship With Money

Take for instance Indian women and their very complicated equation with money and indeed everything material. It is something we, as a society or even we, as women, seldom talk about. That said, when we are still struggling to throw off the yoke of being viewed as property and something to be taken care of, of being someone who has to be given away in marriage and as someone who carries the burden of honour of her family on her shoulders. where is the space to widen the discourse further?

This invisibility of women takes many forms, especially in Indian society.

Thus, to most of us, amidst fighting a battle to change this deeply ingrained mindset, starting a conversation about money, assets and an income of her own for women, especially Indians, seems a little farfetched. But as more and more young Indian women start dreaming of pushing the boundaries we have to start talking about their financial agency too. Interestingly, today it's not only the girls who want to do more with their lives but most parents also want their daughters to go farther than what society has traditionally permitted These changing social dynamics and financial compulsions, especially in the urban milieu have led most Indian families to want their daughters in law also to be much more than only homemakers.

This adds an urgency to moving the needle on the financial independence of Indian women. But living up to its well-earned reputation of being a land of paradoxes; Indian society today wants its women to study and earn but doesn't want to give them the agency to manage and spend their earnings. Before marriage, her money is carefully put aside for being spent after marriage. After marriage, the elders in the family and the husband take over the reins of managing her money. This is the lived reality of thousands of women from every strata of our society who step outside their homes and are euphemistically called working women.

There have started to be some murmurs, in recent times against dowry but our marriage negotiations adroitly sidestep the money talk. Even the few couples who choose their partners and have love marriages tend to avoid discussing the biggest elephant in the room - money. In a deeply patriarchal society like ours, the boys assume that they are the masters of the household and the girls are expected to be docile and adjusting. Talking about money, her own money is not considered the best thing for a newly married woman. This pushes the women into a disadvantageous position. Their salary often goes into a joint account. Even if they manage to hold on to their savings bank account the ATM card is often the family property.  Big ticket purchases and investment decisions are made by elders or the spouse.

It is believed that women don't understand such things. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. They are never given a chance to handle money so it is assumed that they can't handle money. Women themselves are often eager to maintain a distance from money matters. Talking about money is often contentious in a household. Egos, especially male egos, get hurt and women end up being labelled as too assertive and dominating.

There are seldom investments made in their name. They have little say in the purchase of assets although their names now do get added to assets like homes only to avail of tax benefits. They are often told to sign on the dotted lines with husbands taking care of the paperwork. Beyond the impact it has on women as individuals, it often means that they are oblivious to family investments and banking details. There are numerous cases where if the husband meets with an accident or worse sudden death the wife has no clue about policies, savings and even bank accounts and passwords.

There is a trope about women from poor backgrounds having partners who take away their money to drink and gamble. We all are familiar with it. We all vehemently oppose it. Many of us also become allies in salting away some of that money to help someone secure her future somewhat.

Why do we shy away from talking about our own financial issues with friends and family and even our significant others with as much engagement and openness? Take the case of this friend of ours whose husband suddenly decided that henceforth her salary will go towards paying the EMI of the apartment they had decided to buy as their family home. She was roped in as the joint owner and joint borrower of the home loan but nobody thought of even asking her if that's what she wanted, For many years to come, this teacher will keep doing her job but just like her students will keep getting pocket money for her efforts. Yes, an earning adult will be reduced to getting a tiny amount for her personal expenses from her husband.

Buying a house is a big ticket purchase and of course, she's delighted but she can't even articulate that lingering thought in her mind that perhaps both of them could have pooled in to pay the EMIs he knows and most of us know too that the moment she voices a concern, things will get difficult. So, like many others, she keeps quiet, quietly resenting a financial decision imposed upon her. Imagine if this is the situation in a relatively stable relationship what will be the plight of a woman in an abusive relationship?  

Access to money including her own hard-earned money, is often denied to women in abusive relationships to keep them under control. Amidst the chorus of adjusting and making the relationship work, nobody pays heed to her trauma of being totally dependent on an abusive partner for every small thing. But nobody talks about this red flag till it is too late. 

Look around and you will notice that a woman's salary goes towards meeting numerous household expenses, the medical treatment of elders, and weddings in the family among others but can she freely spend it on her own parents and siblings? Can she even think of being a support to her own family in an emergency? In our society, it still requires tenacity of a different kind and a rare supportive spouse for a woman to take on or even share the burden of caregiving for her ageing parents. This is the harsh reality of every Indian woman -earning or not. 

We don't talk about the financial dynamics in a relationship. Boys are conditioned fairly early to believe that they have to provide for the family and so they have to handle the money. Girls are conditioned fairly early to believe that they have to look after the family and not talk about money. They do a stellar job of it and nowadays going beyond their hidden labour burden of running a household, raising children and caregiving they are also pitching in with money to the family kitty. But neither has their household labour reduced nor has there been an upward arc in their financial agency. The more things change the more they remain the same.

Women also don't protest much. After all, their life goals also revolve around the family. As long as their dreams of giving kids a good education, and saving for their future are being met, they happily push away their own dreams and tiny desires. After all, they have been programmed to put their own needs last, always. But why should they be passive and diffident contributors to this lifelong effort of any household? Why can't they be seen and heard as equal partners in this journey of building a life together brick by brick?                      

Perhaps the change will begin with women in households slowly beginning to have that uncomfortable and awkward conversation about money. Women quietly ask questions, educating themselves and assuring others around them that like so many things mundane and big they routinely handle, they can handle money too.

Children in the family learn from example. Seeing parents as equal partners taking all their decisions, big and small together, is a powerful life lesson. Young girls have to be taught right from the early days to handle money. Our girls should learn that being financially independent and having the agency to spend your own money is empowering. Our boys can learn that they don't have to shoulder the burden of being the provider for the family all alone all their lives. Their partner can equally share it.

As women, our relationship with money has always been complicated. We are not meant to earn it, own it, desire it or frankly enjoy it. The world simply finds it easier to deal with women who fit into its predefined moulds including all matters financial.

Now is the time to smash this prejudice. Knowledge can be empowering. It can be exhilarating to manage a bank account, learn digital banking, start a SIP and slowly build a little nest of your own. Women being women, most will pivot towards splurging on their loved ones. The joy that you can also surprise someone with something special is priceless. But perhaps we can also learn to be a little selfish at times and experience the joy of indulging ourselves with something special purchased out of our own hard-earned money!

Views expressed are the author's own.