Are There Solutions to A Sexless Marriage?

Sunil and Radhika love to entertain, host friends and family all the time in her home in the hills and the one in Gurgaon. When they aren't socialising they are planning for it. "Somehow we don't know what we will do if these parties, and extended family wasn't visiting so often," says Radhika. The couple admit their lives are busy and on the move but they are never busy with each other. There is little conversation outside of kids' schools, in-laws medicals needs and what's making the news in COVID. "We have lived a relationship for two decades but there isn't any bond between us." The two, for any outsider, as the ideal power couple but they admit, there is complete absence of love and sex." And the two, by their own admission, are completely separate.

Are There Solutions to A Sexless Marriage? How does one deal with them? What to do Sexless marriage?

Does one have to live through relationships for society? There is no clear definition of what a sexless marriage is but broadly it is presumed it's one where a couple have not have had sex for nearly 12 months. Articles after articles have propagated the sexist trope that that men are always ready to have sex, whereas women are figuring out ways to fake it. Sex drive for men and women varies from person to person and may be an outcome of many factors including diet, health, mental health, tension levels, lifestyle, and trauma. It's hard to generalise.

Are sexless marriages commonplace?

While it's hard to pin point a rate of sexless marriages in India, it is widely assumed they are common place and both women and men may be stuck in such relationships.

Signs of a sexless marriage?

• A couple cannot remember the last time they had sex.
• A couple doesn't enjoy sexual intimacy
• One doesn't make time for it.
• There is shyness, discomfort in physical touch.
• No conversation on making out, love or attraction.
• You feel disconnected from your partner..

How does a sexless marriage hurt a couple?

Having sex, that is consensual and has mutual pleasure is something that can make or break a marriage. It can damage various aspects of a relationship and significantly so leaving the couple distraught, mentally put off and sexually deprived.

"If the lack of sexual activity and decreased frequency with sex bothers you, it’s time to talk about it with your partner. As Dr. Becker-Warner says in an interview, “Getting relationship help always starts with communicating that an issue exists and a desire to work on it together.”

Sexless marriages could be an epidemic. “Sexless marriages are in the millions. It’s an epidemic. There are many people sleeping alone, married and alone,” said Dr. Doug Weiss from Colorado Springs, credited with coining the term “intimacy anorexia”.

What to do to fix a sexless marriage?

Sexless marriage may lead to separate or divorce. They will most certainly lead to personal deprivation and dissatisfaction. Here are some suggestions by different counsellors on how to attempt solving for a marriage that's lost its zing.

Explore the following options among any other that works for you.

• Try going out for a short holiday together without the ended family with the intent to solve for this
• Explore a new class together, say a dance class or something fun that gives your intimacy its own space.
• Head out for a romantic dinner and have conversations about love, feelings, intimacy, sex.
• Have conversations, make each other comfortable. Talk out anything that has kept distance between you as a couple.
• Have more sex.

You are not alone

In 2015, the phrase “sexless marriage” was reportedly one of the most Googled phrases about sex and marriage. Sexless marriage is a common thing, more common than we think. And therefore what's needed is for us to normalise those conversations, both for men and women. Each person, should seek out professional help because it's proven that sexless marriages where the couple otherwise are true to each other, can be made to work again.

Disclaimer: In this article. we have collated publicly available information. For professional help or counselling, please avail professional doctors and their services.

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