Why Is There An Increasing Need For Better Sexual Rights In The Indian Bedroom

What are my sexual rights? Where and how do I practise them? Have you ever wondered?

Picture this. 

Clara is 12 years old. She sits by the window in a classroom full of students facing the teacher, who is taking a biology lesson, eagerly waiting for the period to end. In a hurried attempt to get to the washroom, she first races past the corridor, which is now filled with a swarm of students marching towards the playground, only to realise that this loo visit is a lot less like the others. 

After she visits the washroom, she is distressed as she walks toward her biology teacher only to say that “My susu is red in colour and it hurts down there and in my tummy.” This was a euphemism that her menstrual period had started.

Pee-Pee with your wee wee, weenie, peenie, winkey, giney, or jay-jay. Ring any bells? These are just some of the words that are used in English to describe their genitals. We cannot even begin to take into account the various colloquial names we use in our regional languages!

The topic that I am telling you about today is extremely close to my heart. Sex positivity is in the veins of all of us at Manzuri, and we believe everyone deserves to have access to the right tools and information to experience the pleasures of their bodies.

Sexual Rights In Indian Bedroom: The need to know yourself is an act of self-love

Did you folks know that the World Association for Sexual Health proclaimed the right to pleasure in 2019? That’s right, it states that “It is everyone’s birthright and therefore it should be included in all aspects of healthcare education and training.” You know what this means, god pleasure = better health!

When did you discover you loved a certain show? When you gave the first episode a chance, yes?  In the same manner, I encourage you to try loving yourself (yes, I mean masturbation). Discovering your likes and dislikes, recognizing good and bad touches, experimenting with toys and other alternatives, all of this will inform you, yes, but it will also help you communicate. Sex (partnered or with self) and engaging in it is, after all, is a basic human instinct. And just as with other so-called natural and innate human instincts, sexuality is vulnerable to a myriad of thoughts and feelings. Think anxiety, eating and voiding.

Consent has to be mutual and enthusiastic. Image Credit: Dr Gayle Friend

The importance of using the right terminology while growing up

A young girl calling her vagina "a coochie" might elicit “awws” when she is three, but the real problem arises when she grows up into an adult and is embarrassed to talk about her body and its needs. Teenagers, especially in India, have no way of clarifying the several doubts that spring up in their minds with the onset of puberty. This is exactly how we enable the vicious cycle produced by generations of men and women who continue to oppress and remain oppressed when it comes to their bodily agency.

Communication in the bedroom and outside of it

So what can be done? "Conversations are not a part of our society," a psychiatrist recently informed me, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. We always say that good communication is more about listening than talking. And that it is effective in resolving conflict. The same is valid in the context of intimacy inside the bedroom, only that it’s not as normalised. 

There is much more to consent than just saying "no means no." It might be challenging to talk about having sex, whether it's your first time, a hook-up, or with a partner you've been with for a while. Talking about sex should be a regular element of every sexual experience since verbal communication is necessary for acquiring sexual consent as well. Bottom line is that sex is the ability to establish an intimate connection with your self, partner or partners via mutual respect, trust, and knowledge of one another's boundaries. It ought to be a safe and enjoyable experience!

The key to good sex education is to start early

Sex education and conversations about it should start as soon as the child is born. A child is not recognising your language, the child recognises your touch and your actions. If you have a child and hesitate or avoid cleaning their genital regions, they will recognise your behaviour and associate their genitals with a feeling of shame for the rest of their life.

Situations like this serve as a reminder that it is super important to bring attention to the vocabulary as well as the unsaid gestures one portrays to children because they do as you do. They learn by imitation even before they figure out the language.

Every so often I get questions on how one can pleasure themselves or their partners. Whether masturbation leads to hair loss, and yes if kissing leads to losing one’s “virginity.” And each time it is a reminder for the need to have a safe- space for open, judgement-free, and inclusive discussions on all things to do with sex and sexual health. And this means that we have to dispel the various myths and discuss the need to educate ourselves about the needs of the human body. 

Suggested Reading:

Everything About Female Sexuality is Hushed Says Aaditi Pohankar; What Are We Afraid Of?

Closing off with a final thought…

Ultimately, excellent sexual health necessitates a positive and respectful attitude toward sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the ability to have joyful and safe sexual encounters that are free of compulsion with others and with oneself. Together, we can develop a practical vocabulary to simplify sex and collectively create an atmosphere that is supportive and fair. I know I want to see a world where people of all ages, genders, and sexualities make sexual satisfaction a part of their everyday lives, don’t you?

Aastha Vohra is the CEO & Co-founder of Manzuri. The views expressed are the author's own.