The Art Of "Dirty Talk" And How It Can Boost Your Sex Life

Dirty talk is good for your sex life: What is sex? Is it just genital stimulation or penetration? While they are significant, there are other factors that are just as important to have a good sex life. Good sex is not just about getting that physical release. It's about experiencing a level of sexual energy and excitement that lights your nerve endings on fire. Being turned on before and during sex matters quite a lot when it comes to enjoyment.

I often tell people, your biggest sex organ is not between two legs but between two ears. Yes! The mind, how true is that. Our mind is a “switch” that can get turned on or get turned off, spurred by situations, emotions, and a host of other factors.

The Art of Dirty Talk

Dirty talking is one way to keep your partner (or yourself) stimulated and aroused during sex. It enhances your feelings and makes you crave more contact and intimacy from your partner. But coming from a sexually regressive community, most Indian couples fail to tap into this abundant resource of sexual energy, which is very unfortunate.

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When it comes to dirty talk, people have the same fear they have when public speaking. They are afraid of saying the wrong things, sounding silly, having the audience (your partner) react negatively to your words, and so on. These fears keep you from expressing your thoughts and feelings and bind you to silence. Have you ever thought about why it is easier to talk to a group of friends openly, but it is nerve-wracking to speak to a roomful of strangers? The difference is the level of trust and comfort you feel between the two categories. If you want to include the option of dirty talk into your sex life, you need to develop a sense of trust and comfort between your partner and yourself. The best way to do so is through open and clear communication.

Before you wish to engage in dirty talk in the bedroom, make sure to talk to your partner beforehand. Confronting them about their desires in the middle of sex would put an immense amount of pressure on your partner. Allow your partner and yourself to have ample time to think about what type of dirty talk you want to do. Dirty talk is not just the filthy things you tend to hear when playing an adult film. It could also be romantic or adoring. The trick here is to find out what kind of dirty talk excites you the most.

• What is it that you want to hear or talk about?
• Do you want your partner to tell you about how attractive you are to them?
• Do you want to tell your partner where you like to be touched or how it feels when
  they touch you?
• Do you want to engage in the typical porn dialogues?

Like everything else in life, the dirty talk also come in intensity of arousal, tone, and fluctuation.

1. Low arousal dirty talk – You are so naughty!

2. More arousal dirty talk – I am yours for the night, tell me what you want!

3. High arousal dirty talk – No stops this time. Let me see how many times can you make me cum!

Find out more about your likes and dislikes, draw clear boundaries on what you will not accept, and slowly begin to talk to each other during sex. Some people like to be called demeaning names during sex. Others want to feel like they are being worshipped. Both are equally valid, so don't be afraid to be creative and think out of the box.

The point here is to start small.

No of us are born dirty talkers. It takes a lot of time, communication, and practice for you to master this skill. In the initial stages, start by having an intimate conversation with your partner as you begin to touch each other. Talk to them about how they genuinely make you feel. Describe the sensations their touch evokes in you and slowly take a more sexual turn from there.

Take your time and read your partner's reaction to your words as you speak to them. Do the same for yourself and find out what excites you more when your partner talks to you. You can even compare notes afterward to get a clearer understanding of what you have observed. You can start the conversation with, "I noticed that you responded well when I called your “good girl”. Is that something you want me to do more of?" Communication, like always, is key. Remember, the main reason to do dirty talk is to have fun. Do not take it too seriously and put too much pressure on yourself to succeed the first time around. If you go into it thinking you will drive your partner absolutely wild after a few words, you are setting yourself for failure.

Pallavi Barnwal is a certified sexuality coach and founder of a sex-positive platform Get Intimacy. She has been featured in HUNDREDS — of magazines, newspapers, and online articles as a sexpert – Huffington Post, India Today, Vogue, The Hindu, Dainik Bhaskar, Indian Express, TimesOfIndia, BBC, Deccan Chronicle, Femina, Mint, and more. Pallavi specialises in helping people address challenges facing their sexuality and intimacy and provides them with skills and tools to experience more pleasure and satisfaction in their intimate lives. Views expressed are the author’s own.

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