Expert Shares 4 Red Flags In A Relationship That You Should Be Aware Of

Relationships are tricky, especially since we are never taught how to go about them while growing up. Isn't managing a relationship a skill we should all be acquainted with as it impacts our overall well-being and that of people around us? Well, as important as it is to know how to go about a relationship, one must also know when to call it quits.

Not every person you might be attracted to or end up dating might be good for you. A toxic relationship can leave you with trust issues that might take years to get over. Which is why, every woman should know when they should walk away from a romantic relationship.

Feeling clueless. We hear you, it is not easy to know red flags to watch out for as often they hide behind a courteous demeanour. A person may be manipulating us under the guise of doing it for our own good.

According to relationship counsellor Dr Martha Tara Lee, here are four major red flags in relationship you should look out for!

You need to see if they keep their word.

Understand their behavioural patterns, says Dr Lee. "When they say they are gonna call you, are they really gonna call you? If they don't show up, what are the excuses? Are they taking responsibility for their actions and making sure it does not happen again?"

Dr Lee adds that we are all human and things happen, but the way a person rectifies his or her mistake and deals with any problems coming their way shows us who they really are. Do they blame other people for their mistakes or do they take responsibility for their actions?

According to her, at the start of a relationship, we are always on our best behaviour. "But as the relationship proceeds and they start showing signs of irresponsibility in behaviour, it is surely a red flag."

Suggested Reading: Toxic Relationships: Why Blame The Woman Alone?

How do they treat people?

One should always observe how a person treats other people, especially those who work in the service industry. "How they treat staff and people in the service industry matters. Sometimes we don't even pay attention to these small details but this is very important because the people who are of service to us is a very tell-tale sign of their corrector."

Dr Lee further adds that how people talk and relate with their friends and family also matters. When talking about their ex-lovers, we should observe if they have resentment, unresolved trauma and issues. "Do they actually take responsibility for healing themselves or working on themselves, so that they can be better versions of themselves?" All these questions determine what they talk behind our backs!"

How do they treat you? 

Not just other people, how your partner treats you is also a big indication of what might be in store in the future. "Do they treat you as an individual and as an equal? Do they respect your opinions and your values, your dreams and your hobbies?" Dr Lee raises these important questions that every woman must ask herself about her partner.

"It is really important that they see you as a unique individual and are supportive of your choices," says Dr Lee, adding that while your partner may not understand everything, they should try to. This is where the mutual understanding portion of being in a relationship and also having partnership matters, she says.

Abuse

Abuse is not just physical, it can be psychological and emotional too, and it shouldn't be downplayed. "Something else that comes under the category of physical abuse is the threat of physical violence. When they say things like, “ Do this or else…”, “If you don’t do this, I will bash your face” they are surely thinking about physically abusing you. If this happens it is a major red flag, according to Dr Lee.

Emotional and mental abuse can be something along the line of, “I didn’t do that” or “I didn’t call you” or “You didn’t say that”, she explains further. These are the mind games they will play, also known as gaslighting. Emotional abuse also includes them telling you that you are useless or good for nothing, making you feel inadequate.

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They will use generalisations, name callings, blaming, playing victim, these are all games that people play. Once they start showing this kind of behaviour, you should not hesitate to call it out.

You deserve to be happy. So when you see these red flags, do not jump into further commitment by agreeing to be their boy/girlfriend. Do not go into further commitments like marriage rather, go seek help from counsellors or go for couples counselling or marriage therapy, advises Dr Lee.

If they are not willing to admit that they are at fault or if your partner is someone who cannot apologise and always wants to be right, they will resort to violence, they will start saying things, they will start raising their voice.

It is really important for you to recognise that you don't need to be in a bad relationship.

You need to feel safe so that you can do your best work and be your best self. Therefore it is important that you look out for these red flags!