Personal Story : Why I Married Late

I married late. No, not coz I hated men or had any relationship issues. I however, wanted to prepare myself for the future. Again not coz I foresaw my future or some astrologer predicted something, I just wanted to be safe than sorry.

I worked hard, took up every opportunity that came my way which I knew will add up to my credibility. I even fought for some opportunities which I knew I deserved. People started calling me over-ambitious, rebel. Some said, if I delay marriage, I'll not get good alliances, I'll not be able to conceive or have children, and I’ll be left alone.

I took up assignments where I had to travel and stay in different cities and countries for months together and manage everything alone.

This not only helped me financially, but travels to unknown lands and meeting new people of varied culture and backgrounds, opened up a new horizon. It was empowering. I became more accepting and less judgmental.

At the age of 28, I had travelled and lived in several states within India and couple of countries abroad. I had gained a reputation within the organisations where I worked. The codes and technical programs that I had written were re-used and sold as products to new clients. Some of the Proof of Concepts that I had created were used to win new businesses. Received several awards. On the personal front, I had also secured a decent house for myself on loan. I didn't broadcast about the house. I had a very simple house-warming ceremony which had only my parents and the poojari.

The entire process of buying the house, applying for loan, paper works, dealing with the municipal corporation everything was done by me without paying a single penny as bribe. My father accompanied me only for the registration. It was tiring and I was exhausted but I learnt the nitty-gritties of buying a house and its processes. 

The chatter from the people didn't stop, in-fact, it grew harsher. Headstrong, Arrogant, Bitch and several other adjectives were used for me. "Who'll marry her now at this age", were statements used for me. It did hurt me at times, but then I had some good friends. 

My parents retired and moved out of Bangalore to our hometown to spend peaceful time away from the fast paced city life. I chose to live alone in the house which I had bought. 

I had read this quote somewhere - "Take the first step with full confidence, everything else will fall in place". I repeated this to myself, trusted my instincts and shifted to the flat. I lived in the house for a good 8 years. My brought-up and the discipline embedded by my father, an air warrior with Indian Air Force, now retired, helped me a lot.

The neighbours initially looked at me suspiciously, spoke in hush-hush tone but later got used to me. Some elderly people became good friends too. 

In the next few years, I cleared away my home loans. I took up solo travelling, writing short stories, Yoga, public speaking, returned back to classical dancing.

I was above 30 and I could hear people saying "She might be sleeping around with men that’s why living alone and not marrying". 

At some point in time, I had a project which required me to start my work at 3AM and my cab would pick me up 2AM. One gentleman from the neighbourhood commented - "The girls who work late nights in those big companies, you should see their dustbin, It'll be filled with condoms". "Did you work as a housekeeping staff there clearing those dustbins", I dont know why he got offended when I asked this.

By now, I had learnt to laugh at such comments.

Few years later, I finally, decided to get married and told my parents about my decision. I selected my partner - An officer with the Indian Air Force. 

Marriage was a simple affair with hardly 10 people for the wedding. I was very clear that I want to have a simple temple or registered or court marriage. I was not interested to spend my hard earned cash to please people. I had some good jewelleries which I had bought earlier and decided to use the same for marriage. To me it’s not the wedding ceremony, but the life after that which is important. Fortunately, my husband shared the same thoughts. My parents and in-laws were upset by my decision to have small and simple marriage but my husband and I were clear. Friends helped and we finally got married in a temple followed by registration. The entire ceremony was done in just 3hrs which included a simple lunch too.

Comments from people didn’t stop - "Such low key marriage! You got married without spending much! The boy looks older! The saree you wore for marriage didn’t suit you at all! The pair doesn’t look good together!" 

I just replied them, "Hope you get well soon".

When my husband revealed that he wanted to marry me, the first question asked by his well-wishers was - I hope you have done the background verification of the girl properly. Why she is not married though she has crossed the marriageable age. Hope there is no problem with the girl. 

A girl's accomplishments, achievements, her credentials and credibility just do not matter. All that matters is why at the age of 35, the girl is still unmarried.

My husband replied - She was building her future and her life.

And this is why I married late :)

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