Uphill Battle That Was Becoming A Mom Post Miscarriages: Vidula Kelkar

Motherhood is one of the best experiences one can have. But as they say, not all good things come the easy way. Similarly, my journey of becoming a mother has not been easy.

It was in June 2012 when I learnt I was expecting my first baby. Happiness knew no bounds, both of us were on cloud nine. A month passed by and as fate would have it I developed pain and miscarried my baby a day before our first anniversary. The pain was unbearable. Both physically and emotionally.

My challenges to becoming a mom

A year passed and we were in for the good news again, this time taking it cautiously and following the doctor’s advice diligently. But God had other plans and in the 9th week, I had a ">miscarriage. Again. If this loss wasn’t enough, life threw yet another curveball at me. I was expecting it again but something was not right. I was under medication and bed rest but one day  I developed terrible pain and came to know I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be operated on immediately as it was posing a risk to my life. I underwent the surgery and had one fallopian tube removed. It was one of the lowest phases of my life, I didn't know what to expect further. But life had to go on.

I decided to take my time, got involved with other goals in life for my mental well-being and simultaneously worked on my physical health.

Cut to August 2015, my prayers were answered and in April 2016 I delivered a beautiful little angel. Holding her in my arms was the best feeling and something within me shifted permanently that day.

 Motherhood and Career?

I always used to say; come what may I will never leave my job and a career, it’s my identity I can’t let go of it. But at that moment I just couldn’t think of letting my daughter go out of my sight even for a minute. Without a second thought, I quit my promising job to be with my daughter.

That was the best decision then. Watching her grow, and witnessing every milestone of hers reiterated that my decision was right.  That doesn’t mean I never felt wrong, I did question my decision many times. Looking at other working mothers I could have done it too. But again the natural state of motherhood is unselfishness, you are no longer the centre of your universe. You give that position to your children. That is what I did too.

And I have truly embraced motherhood and enjoy all the wonderful things it has taught me. I have found that it can teach you the most valuable lessons there are to learn. Being a mother has taught me how to have patience. I have also learned that being a mother takes a lot of mental and physical strength. As was the case during the lockdown. Right from managing online studies during lockdown to managing her tantrums as there was nowhere to go and no one to play with her. Also, around the same time she started complaining of headaches now and then. Tensed because of headaches at such a small age I took her to all the possible doctors only to find it was just a way of seeking attention. This then led to changing my routine while managing all other work and spending quality time with her and making her feel special.

Motherhood has taught me several wonderful things. I relive my childhood through my daughter. Be it playing with dolls, the kitchen set dancing along with her and doing drawing and craft activities or just cuddling and lying on the bed and listening to her innocent non-ending tales.

Finding the Right Balance

After a lot of struggle, I started working with this company that helps Women find part-time and work-from-home jobs that are matched their experience, skills and flexibility needs. Being such a candidate myself, I joined FlexiBees in the Operations team - to help ease the journey of several mothers like me. On the one hand, I was making the transition myself of getting back to work after a break, and at the same time, I was a buddy and guide to those who were doing the same.

Every day watching several women signing up on the organisation's Mobile App, going through the selection process, and celebrating their win by making it back to work. All along having the flexibility to do justice to their lives, I felt like I was contributing to the World in some meaningful way. It was and still is an exhilarating experience.

As I look back at my motherhood experience, I can see how my daughter has taught me to juggle many tasks at once. She has made me strong. She is my partner in crime, my best friend and a good critic. She makes me feel complete.

But along with this enriching and satisfying experience, I have my bouts of ups and downs, guilt and regrets, but guess that is what motherhood is all about and I own it all.

#OwnItAll is FlexiBees’ tribute to mothers, asking them to own all they have been through, all they have been, and all they ever wanted to be. This Mother’s Day, SheThePeople is proud to collaborate with FlexiBees to help bring stories of women who embraced challenges, took charge of their lives and returned to work, one way or another.

Suggested reading: I Was Not Ready To Just Be A Mum And Nothing Else: Deepthi Boddupally