Why I Am Terrified Of Dating? A Personal Account Of Old School Gen Z

Without a doubt, we are all extremely busy and living fast-paced lives. Yet, the fact that you took the time to go through the article shows that you are either old school or a Gen Z (like me) who fell victim to the flaws of the current dating scene. It's not a sin, but nowadays we love the thought of having love in our lives, but do we really need a love life to survive this life? Why not, you ask? But my thoughts about it are different.

Love is a real thing, but attachment is a reality; we get mentally attached to somebody and feel physical pain when we separate from them. Most of us have felt this pain, and then we think it's better to live with ourselves than to feel that pain again. Don't get me wrong, but somewhere, for the sake of protecting ourselves from that pain, we now date in a way that we are not emotionally invested in the relationship.

Why I Am Terrified Of Dating?

In modern dating terms, we call it a "situationship", where it's more than friendship and less than a relationship. You love to have them by your side, but you can't expect a commitment from them. You talk to each other about everything, but you can't talk about how you feel for each other. You go on dates, but you can't call yourselves a couple. You discuss your future, but you can't assume them in your future for a week too. You expect gifts, but you can't expect loyalty; you like each other's positive sides but are afraid of showing your vulnerable sides; you spend a number of hours talking, but you can't stand each other's silence; you want efforts, but you can't ask for them. You cannot act possessive even when you cannot see the other person with anyone else. You can't confess to them that you are afraid of losing them, so maintain two to three alternatives on hand.

Suggested Reading: The Dating Rulebook for Women: Who Gives A Duck?

You don't want each other to date someone else so you bench each other, another modern dating term, "benching" where they want to keep seeing you but not lock it down with you. In other cases, when one of the two persons initiates taking things to the next level, they can just get ghosted.

No offence to anyone, but as Gen Z, we saved ourselves from being emotionally invested, but now that we don't know how to feel emotionally, we are nearly dead inside. We seem too busy being ourselves to care. We know that we are broken or hurt, but we act cool; we act as if nothing happened.

I don't consider dating or coping with the present dating scenario, as I still consider sharing each other on emotional levels rather than just being physically available for each other. I don't want a guy who is emotionally unavailable, and I don't want to be an emotionally unavailable partner for anyone; that's the worst thing I can think of. I am terrified of dating in this modern era. It's all because I am here for solitude, peace, tranquillity, the soul, wisdom, depth, love, empathy, and everything that gives me the freedom to connect to someone on an emotional level. And trust me, being old school and wanting an emotionally available partner is difficult.

Plus, I am still into things like handwritten letters; I will gift perfume, but with a handwritten note. What if I want flowers with loving handwritten notes? Will I be asking for too much effort? I am not an outdoor person; I find peace sitting silently, but we can go clubbing or to a concert some days. But what if one day I don't want to go outside, and we just sit and watch sunsets together silently? Will I be considered the boring one? I am an emotional person. What if one day I showed my emotional side and cried? Would I be the crybaby? I want affirmations and words of reassurance. What If I ask for commitment, will I be ghosted?

Views expressed by the author are their own. Feature image is a representational image.