Free And Brave: Single In Her 50s But Never Alone

Women in their 50s are “Enfant Terrible”. These mature women are totally indoctrinated in the theory of not giving too much thought to the old ways of fitting in. They don’t follow a docile mother or the traditional grandmother's footsteps. They are confident and are finding ways and means in seeking better ways to enjoy the newfound freedom, rather than moping around about the love lost in the pile of unwashed dishes and dirty socks.

When a woman decides to separate or divorce her husband in her 50s, she is quite lethal, to say the least. She has the full realisation of what she has to endure from a patriarchal society and also from herself.

The truth is, that it is not a cakewalk to the final decision of separation between a couple, who have been ">married for long. It is extremely difficult to give up on the old ways of a known devil than to restart another new life. Most would advise and agree that one must learn to reduce expectations from one another and build separate lives. But for few this seems banal and a futile way to live life.

Single in her 50s: Free and courageous

Often this decision is taken, after an amalgamation of multiple and constant disappointments in each other. In some severe cases, there are issues like infidelity, physical violence and emotional harassment, which makes the woman end the long and tiring saga of putting up facades of propriety near people and society.

When the decision of ending the dead relationship is finally taken. Which is usually always arrived at, after a lot of dilly-dallying, there is fear, trepidation, insecurity and lots of friends that can sometimes be lost in the bargain. The children too in some cases are forced to take sides.

A 50-year-old woman is not just menopausal, she is also courageous and unstoppable, once she is sure of her decision to end a relationship or a marriage.

She by now, has tapped into her female spiritual animal. Sometimes this can be a tiger, a hyena or an ostrich. The ostrich hides from danger and the hyena who will scream in hysteria if she feels threatened.

Often a 50-year-old woman is also unapologetic about herself. She won’t mind the occasional ruckus she can create when she begins to lose her shit over her shitty ex. By now, she is learning to understand that it is harmful to keep pent-up emotions. So she must vent as loudly as she can, it helps cleanse the aura.

Women as they age, also have a clear understanding of what, how and where lay the lies and the rancid smell of deceit. She can sniff this from a distance. Just like the dogs that are used in airports for the bomb-checking squad. She is equally as sharp in her olfactory senses as the bomb squad dog.

50-year-old single women in a divorce settlement are also quick to learn how to navigate a partner who is maybe hellbent on withholding financial freedom from her. Often, a woman who decides to sever ties at the age when others around them are settling, is often found to reboot her career or reinvent herself in multiple ways she had never imagined in her earlier life.

But all isn’t hunky dory, the decision to move on is definitely not for the weak-hearted.

One needs to understand that to take this step at the golden anniversary of their lives, they need to be prepared to go to hospitals alone and maybe sometimes do holidays too alone. This isn’t easy when one is surrounded by happy family pictures posted all around social media by friends and family.

Opting to be single at 50 is different for couples who divorce in the earlier years.

Many marriages that have fallen apart at 50, lament and speak about a lack of self-fulfilment and how they have grown apart from their husbands. Once the children have flown the nest, there is a shell of a marriage that is left behind. In such cases, often couples also lack common interests and don’t grow together in their life goals.

Talking to Myra from Delhi (name changed) who is still fighting for her divorce case in the court says “I am glad to be away from the toxicity of pretending that I don’t know about his affairs and his constant denial of them. I know that I will have difficulty in trusting another man, ever again in my life. But I am glad to start a small bakery business from home, where I make cakes on order for friends. I have started an Instagram page too, with my food photos. I could have never done this when I was married. He didn’t see any value in my wish of wanting to become a baker when the kids had left home to study abroad.”

Mohua Chinappa is an author and a podcaster of a show called The Mohua Show.

Suggested Reading: Single By Choice? Why Indian Women Are Opting To Be On Their Own