How I Got Shamed For Being Happy In The Absence Of My Boyfriend in the Navy

Do you think being in a partial long distance relationship is actually better than a normal one? Do you think that it is actually easier to date men from the armed forces? Do you feel that there would be certain perks for you if you do date one? Let's see what my experience of having a Navy boyfriend had been so far.

How I was shamed by being happy in his absence...

So, as it is known, Navy men leave for a couple of months without a good prior notice and don't be in touch for quite some time. Since I was seeing a Navy man for six years, I had been used to him leaving often. But somehow our friends weren't. I always felt that they saw a party opportunity every time he left. Sometimes, a party without him.

So, every time he left, they used to get all sad and try to give me emotional support, which I actually didn't need you to know. I was so busy with college, work and home that I sometimes did not even see him when he was back.

In fact, I was more independent than a normal relationship and was more self-aware in this case. So when I did have fun with my friends, I got a very weird vibe from his best friend, let's call him Yuvi.

Yeah, so Yuvi calls me one day and he says, "When will you stop behaving like a Black Widow?"  Black Widow is such a feminist character and I love her but wait is this guy mocking me over her love life? I was more confused to take it as a compliment or offence so I asked him what he meant by this.

And the man says, "Don't you guilty to have fun without your boyfriend? And look at you, you look so happy without him at all these public occasions...." His blah..blah went on for some time and he hung up.

Honestly, this had taken me aback and I was wondering whether I was supposed to behave like someone who had stolen a Ferrari from all time? But wait, why should I base my happiness on him? And why should my life revolve around a man even though I love him?

Why the happiness of a woman doesn't depend on her partner...

For days, I couldn't get it out of my head. And I finally decided to talk to my boyfriend's mom about this. As a part of the Navy relationship, I had been more compatible with his mom than him simply because we spent more time shopping and all. And the woman said, "Don't be a fool."

Further, she discussed how women are always stereotyped to be a man's property but that isn't true. Sometimes when a woman is feeling emotional, they tell her not to cry like a widow. And seriously? Is that all widows do? Cry?

She also added, that it is fine to experience happiness and sadness for small durations, they are normal. But "your happiness does not depend on my son, in fact not on any man, " she said.

Similarly, it is completely natural to want sex and masturbate when your partner is away. And there shouldn't be any guilt in doing so as long as we stay within our ethical boundaries.

My horizon of looking at this widen after our chat and I was wondering why exactly are women taken to be at the mercy of others? Why do strong women personalities threaten men? Why do relationships, sometimes not even marriages, are seen as moral obligations for a woman to be sad? And above this, are the spouses of the ones serving the country at their mercy for happiness in life?

What is it like to be a Navy man's partner?

Answering the last question, I know this for sure, that Navy spouses are often more empowered in the sense of self-esteem. They have A LOT of things to do apart from their relationships and they also respect their spouse's duty of serving the nation.

In fact, it is the Navy spouse who supports the Navy men and women who are fearlessly trust the responsibility of their families and go without worries. Hence, the partners of Navy boyfriends and husbands are actually also serving the nation in a way.

In my case, my partner did not find it weird for me to live a life independent of him. We both respected our private lives when he was back. And he also spoke to his best friend clarifying a lot of things about how my life isn't dependent on him and that I am my own person. I was glad to hear all of that. And then he reminded me saying that men behaving civilly is the bare minimum, so don't be flattered if a person gives you the bare minimum human respect. Know your worth, he said.

To all the Navy balls I have been to, I have always seen the spouses in equal power and command in the relationship. There is healthy communication and equality in most cases.

Of course, there are certain downfalls, like lack of time and attention, or the often secretive behaviour about work, I feel like it all turned out to be for good. So, I don't have to tolerate him for long, the time we spend together is always quality time with the least arguments and the best part is, it's about us and not work.

A lesson for all the women out there...

Irrespective of what your boyfriend, spouse or partner does or where they are right now, you are your own person. A person is only a part of your life and your life doesn't revolve around anyone but yourself.

Don't feel guilty about prioritising yourself. Or wanting to have sex and fun ethically outside of your relationship. It is in fact a must to be financially independent too.

Dating younger men is completely fine. Moving on after your partner passed away is also fine. You have all the right to move on and find love.

Don't be afraid of quitting a relationship you don't want. Don't be afraid of people's judgement about what you must do and not do. And above all don't ever stop being happy.