Journey Of Self-Transformation: From Living In Patriarchal Family To Finding Authentic Me

With great power, comes great responsibility –a quote from Spiderman that I deeply resonate with. If we want to be powerful human beings, then the first step is to take full and final responsibility for ourselves. 

25 years ago, as a young woman, I could never imagine that I would be coaching leaders or writing books on personal and feminine empowerment.  After all, I was born and brought up in a patriarchal family, where women were anything but empowered. This hurt my soul deeply as a young child. But as they say, the wound is where the light enters.  

Over the years, I understood from both direct and subliminal messages, that girls were the lesser ones. The stories I heard and saw around me, sealed this belief.  I still remember all the women sighing with relief when their firstborn was a son and dealing with the disappointed faces of others when it was a girl. With this subtle rejection, that my soul felt deeply, I started on a journey of adaptation to a patriarchal worldview. This adaptation, I would find, would cost me dearly. 

At the age of 20, emotionally and mentally, still a child, I buckled under the pressure to have an arranged marriage. I didn't know better and thought that is “what good girls do". As a young girl, with little self-esteem and confidence, I had never learned to stand up for myself. I entrusted my father to make the right decision for me, hoping this would all turn out fine. 

What happened instead is that I entered a devastating period of my life. Before I could even recover from the thought that I was married, I found that I was pregnant with my first child. I felt trapped and unable to act for myself. There was tremendous social, familial, and financial pressure on me to stay married.

After years of trying to fit into a situation, which every part of my being knew was wrong for me, I had found the will within, to create a pathway of independence. I realised no one was coming to save me, and if something needed to change, I had to make it happen.

I gathered all my courage and stepped out of my marriage to find the life, I knew I was meant to live, instead of the one that was allocated to me. 

Yet, stepping out of my marriage, and finding personal and financial freedom, didn’t seem to fill the deep hole in my soul! I had to work very hard to get to where I was – and I had done it all on my own. All that to find myself feeling totally at a loss about this thing called life! Yes – I had reached my “pit point” when the doctor stated I was clinically depressed. 

That was a shock  – “I am far too strong a woman to be depressed!”, I exclaimed. However, it all made sense – the feeling of emptiness inside of me, a deep dread of waking up each morning and going to work, an inability to have fun or laugh in moments that should have brought joy to me – the signs were there right in front of me.  

That was my moment of “awakening”. ">Depression, it is said, is the call of the soul for nurturance. It arises from being disconnected from your true self for far too long. It is the way for our spirit to give us an ultimatum. It forces us to look at our lives more deeply.

I wanted to get to the root cause of depression. Given my willpower and drive, I knew I could find it. A question that was paramount in my mind was, “Who am I?” Beyond the roles, I play as a mother, an employee, a wife, a daughter, etc., who am I? The roles were not me – they were just characters that I was playing in the drama of life – so who was Jasrin – without the trappings, roles and definitions? 

Self-Transformation Journey: From Patriarchal Family To Authentic Me

I had been to some of the most intellectually rigorous schools in the world, surrounded by high-performing, over-achievers – yet that question, “WHO AM I?”  had never been raised nor discussed. I knew the answer to my questions would not come from traditional sources of knowledge such as schools and professors. 

I turned to spirituality, to teachers such as Wayne Dyer, Dr David Hawkins, and Paramhansa Yogananda.  For about 5-7 years, I dived into every book, teaching, scripture and practice that could provide some answers. I meditated, I fasted, I chanted, I did yoga, and I studied many different schools of philosophy, psychology, and metaphysics. All that practice and study helped me unpack my own mind, the human condition, and greater universal mechanisms such as karma. I realised that there were cosmic principles that govern life, and we must realise these principles and work in accordance with them. 

I also found that our childhood, our relationship with our parents, and the society we grow up in have a pivotal role to play in the formulation of our psychology and therefore our destiny. 

Most importantly, it is within our power as conscious adults, to transform all that is unhealed or feels less than whole in us. To let go of who we are for who we want to be. To take charge of our own potential and destiny. 

Views expressed are the author's own.

Jasrin Singh is an Author, Executive & Life Coach and Keynote Speaker. She has recently published her first book – “Blueprint of the Authentic You- A roadmap for self-esteem, well-being, and success”.

Suggested Reading: How My Patriarchal Family Broke Me. And My Mother Watched In Silence