I Cut-off Toxic Relatives From My Life By Drawing Boundaries

Half the people that my family is related to, including relatives and family friends, are toxic. Yet every time they visit, my parents expect me to be around and entertain the guests. I have to sit throughout with a pleasant smile on my face and engage as if we share a great bond. Acting isn’t tough, but why do I have to put up with it?

It's never easy to cut someone out of your life, especially someone who has been a part of it for quite a long time. While our society is about 1 percent okay with cutting out a toxic spouse (divorce), removing a toxic relative or family friend from our lives is almost impossible. I spent 25 years of my life doing this because I didn't want to infuriate my parents. There was also a time when I expected people to change and be genuinely nice to me for once.

Avoid Toxic Relatives From Life

Then life happened. I got married, and one of my aunts advised me on how to be a good wife, which basically translated to being a submissive, walking, breathing, and emotionless being. After my divorce, many relatives and family friends began revealing their toxic sides, and I gladly took that opportunity to cut them off my life—well, at least most of them.

One day, when I had a meltdown, I went to my parents and opened up all the pent-up feelings that I had about their relatives and how much their toxicity has affected me. Since I was going through a rough phase in my life, my parents patiently heard me out and stopped forcing me to engage with most of my relatives.

My father’s mother, brother, and his family reek of toxicity from miles away. But then he’s my father's only brother, and I'm expected to go greet them at the very least. There was one day when the aunt whom I mentioned above came over unannounced, and I was forced to put up with her for more than an hour. All that time, I was wondering how women are forced to face their toxic relatives, family friends, and even abusers during family gatherings. Sometimes, there is just no escape, and we are stuck.

Most of us, despite being outspoken, try to maintain calm until we reach our saturation point so as not to offend our parents. Well, that was me before, but now I’m at a point in my life where I honestly don’t have the energy or time to deal with toxic people. I try to avoid them as much as I can. When I’m sandwiched like a cheese slice, I just become indifferent. I don’t converse; whatever goes in comes out through the other ear, and all my replies are one-worded.

I’m completely off the grid for 90 percent of them, so much so that they can’t even track me on social media. Almost no one knows what is happening in my life right now, and I make sure it remains that way. Why would I want to share my happiness or my sorrow with people who truly don't care but act as if they do?

I keep a low profile even if I happen to meet anyone, and I began dodging the "Give me your number," or "Tell me what you've been up to," questions or the bunch of unsolicited advice over time. Over time, they’ve understood that I’m avoiding them and have stopped trying to get through to me. It’s always better to not have an extended family than to have a toxic one. It took me years to learn that lesson, but now it's something that I’m proud of. If we don’t draw the boundaries loud and clear, nobody will do it for us.

Suggested Reading: Is It Okay To Cut Out Toxic Family Members From Our Lives?