Expert Decodes Parenting Styles, With B-Town Parents As Examples

We may say, 'We the parents,' but inside, we all know it’s 'I the parent’, because no matter how much advice comes our way, every parent’s journey is uniquely theirs, and so are their methods. Parenthood is a blend of juggling career demands, societal expectations, and ensuring the well-being of children. In this balancing act, parents often find themselves mixing modern practices with traditional beliefs, what we call parenting styles.

From strict rules to friendly bonds, each style shapes the parent-child relationship in its own way. To understand these dynamics in the realm of modern parenting, let’s look at Bollywood parents as examples. Psychotherapist, Parenting Coach and PhD scholar Riri G. Trivedi, co-founder of Wellness Space and SEE - Society for Energy and Emotions, helps us understand these parenting styles through her deep expertise in Regression Therapy, offering a fresh perspective on what it means to parent in today’s world.

Expert Decodes Parenting Styles, With B-Town Parents As Examples

1. Authoritarian Parenting Style

Authoritarian parenting is characterised by strict rules and high control, with little room for negotiation or emotional connection. Parents enforce obedience through punishment, often without explaining the reasoning behind their actions. According to Riri, this style creates a cold, distant relationship, she says, “Authoritarian parenting involves a very high level of control and a low responsiveness to a child’s needs."

In an interview in 2023, Priyanka Chopra's mother, Dr. Madhu Chopra, admitted that she made several parenting mistakes while raising her daughter. One of these mistakes was being overly authoritative during the actor's childhood, which ultimately led her to send her daughter to boarding school at the age of seven.

She revealed the regrets she has now, saying, “She was four or five years old when she snapped at her father. I realised that these were the same words I’d use on her, and it made me doubt my parenting. When she was seven, I put her in a boarding school without my husband’s approval, without my family’s approval. I didn’t counsel Priyanka either. Those four years were very tough… But neither of my children has accused me of abandoning them yet."

2. Permissive Parenting Style

In permissive parenting, parents are highly responsive but offer little control or structure. They indulge their children’s desires and avoid setting strict rules. Riri explains, “There are almost no boundaries, and these parents tend to avoid conflict by giving in to their children’s demands, sometimes treating them more like equals than as children who need guidance."

We can see a glimpse of this parenting style in Bhavana Pandey's approach, as she shared in 2022 how she maintains a close, friendly bond with her daughters. She expressed, “I’m so glad I had her at a young age because it’s great; we are more like friends, which is amazing.” 

Bhavana also praised her husband, Chunky Pandey, for being a supportive partner, although they occasionally disagree on issues like permission and timing. She noted that Chunky is very easygoing and doesn’t say no to the kids, making him more approachable to them. Bhavana further emphasized the importance of maintaining calm, saying, “The idea is that neither of us should scream or get angry.”

3. Negligent Parenting Style (Uninvolved Parenting)

Negligent parenting is marked by both low responsiveness and low control, where parents are emotionally distant and uninvolved in their children's lives. They may meet basic physical needs but fail to provide guidance or emotional support. Riri points out that these children often feel unsupported and neglected, which can affect their emotional development and ability to form healthy relationships later in life.

Arjun Kapoor, the only son of filmmaker Boney Kapoor, has openly discussed the emotional struggles he faced after his parents' separation and the strained relationship with his father, which could be compared to aspects of negligent parenting. 

In a 2014 interview, Arjun shared that he was initially angry and hurt by his father’s second marriage to Sridevi, but over time, he learned to understand the situation. "It can be a part of your journey, but it can’t be the only thing—because my father did this, all my decisions will be based on it. That’s not how life functions," he explained.

The absence of emotional support and a strong fatherly presence during his childhood may have left Arjun grappling with feelings of abandonment. Despite this, Arjun also acknowledged that his mother played a pivotal role in his upbringing, ensuring that he was equipped to make his own choices and decisions.

4. Authoritative Parenting Style

Authoritative parenting is considered the ideal balance of control and responsiveness. Riri explains why, “When parents maintain clear rules and boundaries while fostering open communication and empathy with their children, it encourages open dialogue, where children feel heard, and parents guide them with understanding. These parents provide structure and discipline but also nurture emotional well-being, fostering healthy, happy relationships with their children."

Deepika Padukone, the new mom, once shared her disciplined school routine, “The routine was to wake up every morning like 4-5 am, go for physical conditioning, go back home, go to school. As soon as I finished school, there was no time to chit-chat with friends, so I would get home, change, have a snack, go to the badminton court, have dinner, be exhausted by that point and go to sleep, and then the same thing again.”

In addition to her disciplined upbringing, Deepika has also been open about her battle with depression and how her mother, Ujjala Padukone, played a crucial role in her recovery. Deepika shared that during a particularly difficult time, her breakdown was unlike the usual emotional triggers. She recalled, “My mother realised something was different. My cry was different—it wasn’t the usual boyfriend issues or stress at work.” Ujjala, noticing the shift in her daughter’s emotional state, kept asking if it was related to specific stressors. This thoughtful, attentive parenting reflects an authoritative style, where the parent provides both support and guidance in a balanced, caring way.

Moreover, this is reflected in Kriti Sanon's experience, where she shared how her parents never stopped her from chasing her dreams but did encourage her to complete the GMAT first. She said, “They said you go and follow your dreams so that you don't have any regrets later, but you must appear for your GMAT entrance exams. That score is valid for 5 years. So you basically have 5 years to try, and you can come back if it doesn't work out.”

The Common Thread of Parenting

When talking about parenting, it’s impossible to leave behind the essence of motherhood, as it is at the core of raising and nurturing the next generation. Each mother’s journey may be different, but there is one universal truth that binds them all—the shared commitment to their child’s well-being. Bollywood moms, despite their glamorous lives, have been open about the unique challenges and transformative experiences of motherhood, both before and after the arrival of their little ones. 

Before welcoming her daughter, Bipasha Basu shared an honest thought: "We love babies. But both of us need more alone time together—because once the baby arrives, it’s always only baby time. That’s the way we both think."  Alia Bhatt, reflecting on her own experience, acknowledged the constant worry that comes with motherhood: "To be honest with you, I think the day I became a mother, I opened up my life to non-stop worrying. So, I am always worrying, and I’ve just made peace with it. All I can do is my best and leave the rest.” 

Priyanka Chopra, reflecting on how motherhood has transformed her, shared her candid thoughts: "It's made me a tad more sensitive and fragile, I think, and it makes me nervous a little bit. I didn't expect that." Sonam Kapoor once shared her thoughts on motherhood, saying, “One can never be prepared for motherhood. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mother or a working mother, everyone goes through mom guilt.” She also admitted, “It took me over a year to 'feel like myself again' after the birth of my son.” 

Actor Anushka Sharma, who is the senior in the class of motherhood among them, spoke about how these experiences often stem from the pressure of being a “perfect” parent. She said, "There is so much pressure to be this perfect parent. But we’re not perfect, and that’s okay. We’ll complain about things, and it’s fine to admit it in front of our kids, so they know we’re flawed." 

Riri, who is also a renowned regression therapist, brings a refreshing perspective to the age-old challenges of parenting. With her vast experience in helping clients navigate both personal and professional transformations, she puts it, "Parents need to understand that there is nothing like perfect parenting. And there are no perfect children of perfect parents." 

Riri suggests, "Feeling guilty does not help at all! Guilt doesn't make you a better parent; in fact, it often leads to overindulgence or overcompensation, which isn't beneficial for your child. The key is to understand where the guilt is coming from. Is it the need to be the 'perfect parent'? Is this feeling rooted in a deep-seated belief of not being good enough, or a constant craving for validation?”

She notes that the real magic lies in self-awareness and emotional regulation. She explains, "To cope with pressure, first of all, parents should understand that parenting is a journey and not a project to be completed to perfection. Secondly, they need to work on themselves to stay regulated so they don't get triggered by comparisons and comments from other parents, families, neighbours and relatives. Self-regulation is important for parents to not feel pressure and be present for the child and enjoy the parenting journey."

She adds, “Self-work and healing are the first steps towards healing the relationship with your child. We can only establish healthy boundaries if we truly understand them ourselves. If you weren't raised with healthy boundaries, how would you know how to set them? It's important to learn, heal, and understand. There are many resources available, take therapy and heal the parts of yourself that feel guilty. Only then can you be more accepting of yourself and your child."

How Coaches and Experts Can Help

Parenting therapy and coaching have gained significant attention in recent years, offering much-needed support to parents facing the complexities of modern-day upbringing. Riri, a PhD scholar specialising in childhood trauma and mental health, sheds light on the real-world challenges parents are grappling with today. 

She explains, “Many parents are victims of childhood abuse and trauma themselves, leading to a disconnect from their own families. As a result, they often feel unsupported when it comes to raising their children. A lot of them don’t want their kids to go through the same struggles they did, while others unknowingly follow outdated parenting styles that no longer resonate with today’s generation.”

She further adds, “Parents are looking for guidance, not just to avoid repeating past mistakes but also to enjoy their parenting journey. With many parents balancing demanding careers, family sizes shrinking, and the pressure to ensure their children excel academically and socially, the stress of trying to be the perfect parent can feel overwhelming.” 

This is why she believes in the importance of integrating research-based perspectives on parenting, as well as insights from someone who has not only raised children but also worked with thousands of adult survivors of flawed parenting.