Why Opting For A Financially Stable Partner Isn't A Red Flag

While I'm writing this, hundreds of people are flooding the comment section of Instagram influencer Mannat Kulharia with abuse after a video of her joking about "selling her husband for money" went viral. The NCMIndia Council for Men's Affairs objected to Mannat's statement, citing legal concerns, but Mannat responded the organisation by asserting her right to joke about her own life choices. She even dared them to file a police report against her.

However, Mannat is not the only one expressing such ideas through reels. I've seen similar content like "Just want marry a wealthy guy, tired of being a corporate slave." "I wish a man's parents would shower me with money to leave their son," "and girlfriends breaking up with their boyfriends for a groom with a government job" and "Money may not buy happiness, but it brings peace of mind. That's lacking when you choose your 'pasandida mard' who's financially unstable."

It seems that in a population as vast as ours, there are bound to be diverse ideologies, and social media reels provide a platform for people to express their thoughts, albeit in a lighthearted manner.

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While movies are also known for depicting stories inspired by real-life observations and societal dynamics. Whether it's a classic like Judaai or a recent release like Murder Mubarak, these films often draw inspiration from the world around us. All of you must have seen Judaai, let’s talk about Murder Mubarak, the character Bambi, played by Sara Ali Khan, comes from an affluent family and chooses to marry someone from a similar background instead of her less financially stable lover. Is this decision morally wrong? How do Bambi and women like her end up being labelled as "bad women" when this notion is instilled in us by our families and society? To demonstrate this, I interviewed several women about the significance of financial stability in their relationship decisions and to what extent it's influenced by their parents.

As my friends have started getting married, it made me wonder how they managed it, considering their financial situation is likely similar to mine, and yet they went ahead with it. Some married their lovers, while others followed their parents' choices. Initially, I couldn't comprehend how they could commit without financial stability or substantial savings. However, when my sister got married last year, I experienced it closely and realised that the spotlight was only on the man's income and not how much my sister makes. 

Why All The Focus on Man's Income

And, like my family, in many families, parents often emphasise on groom's financial background when considering potential partners for their children. Pavi, a 24-year-old writer from Mumbai, shares how family expectations often influence the desire for a financially stable partner. She notes, "Many parents hint about their expectations from their children's partners, even if they don't know if their child has one." Pavi recounts a past experience, saying, "One of my ex-boyfriends ended our relationship because he was worried his parents wouldn't accept me and he couldn't 'play' with me." She highlights how such parental expectations can lead to emotional burdens and anxiety when choosing a partner.

How Parental Influence affect Women's Partner Selection

What should a woman do then? Stay single and wait for her parents to find a well-settled man with generational wealth? Or date someone without considering a future with them? Pavi offers her perspective, stating, "I've witnessed many relationship conflicts because one partner doesn't earn enough to meet parental expectations for marriage. However, in my own relationships, I've made a decision. If my partner isn't financially stable, I won't introduce them to my parents or consider marriage. This choice aims to prevent future marital problems. Instead, I'd wait for my partner and ask my parents to do the same if he's making efforts to achieve financial stability, even if it's less than what I earn."

Aprna Sheth from Mangalore shares her parents' story, saying, "My husband and I were introduced through an arranged marriage when we were quite young. My parents presented me with options for men who had impressive incomes and had settled abroad for years."

She also recounts her own decision-making process in that situation and stands by it as it led to a successful marriage. She says, "However, I chose a partner who was still finding his way but had clear financial goals for the future, much like myself. This way, we could grow together. And that's exactly how it has been for the past ten years."

Rudrani, another writer from Bihar, shares a similar sentiment. She explains, "My parents would instantly dismiss a man I love if he isn't financially stable. But I question them: why should men always bear the burden of earning more? Don't women also have the ability to support a family?"

Rudrani further emphasises that financial stability is not her primary concern when it comes to a partner. Instead, she values qualities like respect for herself and her decisions, understanding and support for her mental health, and emotional availability. She says, “Financial stability has never mattered to me. I can pay bills. But I can't fill in for the gaps that unavailability, lying, cheating and not supporting will create. As a partner, I can always encourage him to work hard, choose the right field and attain stability.”

Why Choosing a Partner Who's Financially Stable Isn't Solely About Money?

During the promotion of her latest series Family Aaj Kal, Apoorva Arora touched upon the storyline that many can relate to, where her character faces her parents about her relationship with a financially unstable cab driver. When I asked her about this, she shared her perspective, saying, "I believe that for women today, selecting a partner who's financially stable isn't solely about money. It's about ensuring overall well-being, both emotionally and financially. When you have financial security, it positively impacts your emotional stability, which in turn influences your relationships, your household dynamics, and even your family."

She elaborates, "I believe that for both men and women, having a partner who is financially stable brings a sense of security and reduces stress. It's not about expecting the partner to pay for everything or fund their lifestyle. It's simply about avoiding being a burden to each other and oneself. Hence, women often opt for men who are financially better off, not out of a desire for financial support but to ensure mutual independence and stability."

Pavi also shares her perspective, stating, "I agree that having a financially stable partner, or someone who can at least manage their own finances, is important for compatibility and understanding in a relationship. This helps to avoid conflicts and issues. I prefer both partners to be engaged in some form of work or activity. This ensures better understanding between us, even if there comes a time when I become the primary breadwinner."

To sum up, it's unfair to label a woman as "bad" or a "red flag" based on her choices. You never know how much her family influences her decisions, the pressure she feels from her parents' expectations, or what her actual intentions are for wanting stability in her relationships. Also, if you're interested in understanding how Indian men perceive sharing the financial burden with their working partners, you can find their perspective here.