7 Things BFFs Find Hard To Talk About: Here’s What Women Told Us

It's a common notion that BFFs are supposed to share everything with each other, but is it possible for everyone to do that? We ask women what is it that they don't talk about to their BFFs - this is what they said. 

While communicating your feelings is one of the most crucial healthy habits we can all inculcate, it's challenging for some, more than others. We see how films and shows also portray that friendships go through their own challenges and bumps; it's true, friendships are not perfect but, in the end, they are worth it. 

When I first started introspecting upon the question, I realised the weight of it and asked some of my colleagues, friends, and even mom about it. On this friendship day, I got down to drawing responses around the things we don't talk about and why it's not as easy as it seems to show vulnerability. 

7 Things BFFs Don't Talk About

I Struggle To Keep My Long-Distance BFF To Keep-Up With My Dating Life

Recently, I had a chat with my junior college friend when she shared how she struggles to keep her friends updated with the men in her life as none of them were a "serious thing". This reminded me of the talk I had with my long-distance BFF trio on a phone call discussion of how we felt distant. While nothing seems changed when we catch up, when we are back into our lives we feel lonelier because communicating about life updates was the only way we felt closer and now we couldn't keep up due to the insane time difference. I, therefore, make it a point to take out time to stay in touch with those friends who matter to me because there's no better feeling than being understood and some friends just give you that selflessly. 

How Do I Tell My BFF about My Situationship? 

My colleague and writer Harnur Watta confessed, "Maybe, I find it difficult to talk to my friends about a situationship I continue to struggle in despite them trying to get me out of and asking me to not invest." Another colleague journalist Priya Prakash expressed her sour experience about how she wished her friend would listen to her when she calls out her boyfriend's red flags. Aren't these stories something we all can relate to?! 

How Do I Tell My BFFs About My Dry Sex Life?

Talking to one of my asexual friends online, they shared how they felt left out or weird about their orientation in their friend circle especially when all girlfriends discuss their sex lives and doubts in detail. Since they haven't come out yet they said, "I sometimes wish they would stop talking about sex as it not only makes me feel like an alien but also GROSS! But then, it's my perspective." Sometimes, especially when I have had long dry spells of sex in my life, I used to feel like a looser among my friends, sometimes missing out on "fun", so either I forced myself into casual hookups that I never really wanted, or I lied to them in fear of being judged. Other times, one of my friends who had been single for 23 years of their life also expressed, "PDA annoys me".

I Struggle To Talk About Finances

While one of my editors Ragini Daliya expressed that though she and her friends discuss financial investments (SIPs and taxes), she struggles to confess her financial issues with her close ones, of how she fell short of savings to postpone the new purchase of a car she had earlier discussed with them in "fear of being judged maybe." A lot of my older friends told me they tend to not discuss their finances because they don't feel equal enough to a lot of their friends when it comes to earnings. I also recall how Joey, Phoebe and Rachel from the show FRIENDS when the trio felt not understood by their well-earning friends at that point. Coming to me, I also sometimes feel I would be judged if I would socially confess my lack of knowledge in trading, investments and overall financial independence. Why do we all struggle to openly confess our financial problems? One answered, "They are too personal," while the other responded, "I feel burdened".

I Do Not Want Them To Feel I Am Hysterical

When one of my favourite Instagram entertainment writers Saloni shared with me about her hurtful past experiences coming from one of her closest school friends who defamed her by spreading rumours and revealing her mental health issues, I related to her it took a lot for me to share about my first panic attack even to my closest friends due to my bitter experience when I was tagged "attention seeking" by my ex. For the longest time, I believed that people who actually experience mental health issues don't "glorify" or talk about them so openly, and the ones who did, I always assumed to be "wannabes". Thus, my judgements made me go into a spiral of fear of accepting my mental health. It took a long time to come out of it or even accept it but, even today, I realise people around me always hesitate to share in the beginning that they met a counsellor or they were on anti-depressants. I wonder why is that. Maybe, we're still somewhat stuck under the huge rock of stigma clouding mental health.

Family Issues Are Too Personal To Talk About

While coming from quite a traumatic past and still living in a dysfunctional or what people call a "broken" (it's complete and everything I need) family, I could not relate to this harder when one of my fellow internet cinema enthusiasts said, "Sharing ghar ke kalesh is different but we cannot share everything na" (meaning minor family drama can be shared but there are many deep-rooted problems that we just can't share.) But, what if, sometimes we need to talk about it? I had been taught to be tight-lipped by my mom about family issues as people tend to use them against us. When my mom noticed that I started creating two personalities altogether and starting faking even with my closest friends, she suggested I must open up a little. I remember speaking out loud to my then-best friend and feeling lighter than ever before. However, it all backfired when she unveiled my secret, and shamed me, which led to my boyfriend breaking up with me too. It took me years to own my truth as my friends supported me through it all. I remember it took me 5 years to open up to my college bestie that I lied to her about my family. I, however, realised that sharing brought me and my two best friends closer, and now we are so comfortable that they are practically my family.

I Wish My Guy Bestie Could Have Serious Discussions With Me Once

While most girls on the internet keep complaining about their male friends being too indifferent, I remember how my friend always talks about her guy best friend never taking her seriously saying "He either diverts from the topic and starts joking around or just offers a solution of bottling up feelings." She later explained, "It isn't like he's emotionally unavailable or disinterested in my life, but he tends to feel too awkward or lacks knowledge and gentleness to comfort me, so he acts diplomatically."

While being a mutual friend of both, when I asked the guy about men and their struggles with female friends he answered that he fears talking too bluntly would hurt them and even if he tried, he ends up doing that and his fear of not wanting to think that he's "weak" even if his girlfriends say otherwise. Other women confessed to feeling "less smart" or pressured to have practical knowledge while talking to their male friends as they feel the compulsion to be everything. 

While there could be no problems at all and you just are a person who either prefers to handle your problems on your own or struggle to express them, this Friendship Day, break the ice and have these discussions with your BFFs because it's all worth it in the end.

Suggested Reading: Friendship Day 2023: Watch 7 Romantic Comedies About Friends