Why I Relate With Taylor Swift's 'The Tortured Poets'

I have never been a 'Swiftie'. I did listen to some of her songs and all of them were empowering- not only personality-wise but also emotionally. But I took a long break from listening to Taylor Swift's songs. The last one I remember is End Game. Today marked a new beginning when I came across her new studio album The Tortured Poets. Before I delved into its meaning, it excited me so much that I felt she once again touched my heartstrings. Do you know why? Because I am a tortured poet too. 

Why I Am A Tortured Poet

Talking about her eleventh studio album, Swift said that it "reflects events,  opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure." She further adds, "This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed." adding that most of the wounds were self-inflicted. 

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Towards the end, Swift makes the most powerful statement by saying, "This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it."

I began writing poetry when I realised that society was not ready to accept some of my opinions and emotions. I understood that my diary was going to listen to me without any judgment. The moment my ink touched the pages, it didn't stop until I poured my heart out. Now, when I revisit those pages, I realise the suffocation I was feeling in the social set-up. You might be wondering how could pouring emotions be as creative and decorated as a poem. I don't have an answer to that. Maybe, it was because hiding the emotions behind metaphors made them subtle. In other words, even if people try to decode my emotions, they will have their perspectives but never see my tears behind each word. 

Even today, I write poems which I think have developed much in terms of flow, metaphors and expression. The main themes of my poetries are sadness, suppressed emotions, trauma and scarred memories. People often ask me to write positive things so that I can look at life positively. But when have you seen a tortured soul in merriment? As Taylor Swift rightly sings, "You caged me and then you called me crazy/ I am what I am 'cause you trained me.”

How pouring emotions and making a poem of them are different

Sometimes, when I feel anxious and my heart breaks into pieces, I resort to writing poetries that reflect everything I feel at that moment. In fact, I am the most productive when I am broken inside. As Swift says, "I cry a lot but I am so productive it's an art." She also says, "You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart." 

Writing emotions down is indeed a professionally recommended method of healing. But decorating the write-up with metaphors, rhythm and twists sometimes sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Like how can a person who is broken inside have the patience to decorate words? 

My answer to it would be that emotions are not as linear as we imagine. When you sit to write about heartbreak, for example, you cannot just pour out how you feel about it. Every feeling has a connection with the other person which makes the writing like a scribble that is caught up between past and present. And anything that isn't linear is an art. 

Sylvia Plath, another American poet who very well fits into the category of Tortured Poets said, "I think that personal experience is very important, but certainly it shouldn’t be a kind of shut box and mirror-looking, narcissistic experience. I believe it should be relevant, and relevant to the larger things, the bigger things…”

Moreover, Emily Dickinson, another poet of America who was tortured in the sense that she broke all the norms- be it literary or social, said, "If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can warm me, I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only ways I know it. Is there any other way?"

So, my so-called self-centred poems are a medium to address larger issues. I use my experiences but hide them under metaphors, strong images that sometimes send chills so that people get the message without breaching my privacy.

Sitting on a chair 

Leaning towards the window

She allowed the raindrops 

To splatter her face

It was colourless, tasteless 

Yet more vibrant

Than the faces surrounding her

As a person, I have moved on from my past. There are no regrets or sorrow whatsoever. But my tears haven't dried yet. But, I am not shy from saying that it is these tears that make me create my masterpiece every day. I don't care if death and grief consume me. But the tortured soul in my poetry will last as the evidence of how "I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean." 

Views expressed are the author's own