Sisterhood At Home: Six Advices From Elder Sisters To Younger Sisters

The elder sister or the firstborn are sometimes the most loved and sometimes the most unlucky. Sounds like an oxymoron right? How can a person who is most loved can be unlucky? Well, if you step into the shoes of the elder sibling, you will find a lot of small gravel that will prick you. Do you know what those gravels are? The difficulties they faced while traversing through life. Of course, every life has struggles and difficulties that are like the gravel on the road sneaking into your shoes. But wouldn't it be helpful if someone taught elder sisters to take out those pieces of gravel rather than walking with it and the sore foot? Parents could help? Well, no. As much as they love their elder daughters, they expect them to be mature much earlier to be mentors of their younger siblings. 

When elder daughters have a younger sister, they are expected to take on the role of protector immediately no matter how mature or messed up they themselves are. However, dear elder sisters, it is always a privilege to guide a woman towards the right direction. You will not only improve your mistakes vicariously but also change a new generation. So consider your younger sisters as your canvas where you can rewrite the rules and defy the norms that you never did or sacrifice a lot if you did. By this, I don't mean that elder sisters can impose their views on the younger ones. Otherwise, they won't be any different from Indian parents.  Start with letting your sister make her own choices.  

So in this article, I am going to share a few advice that every elder sister must give to their younger sisters. 

1. Speaking against sexual harassment: Indian families never teach their children to oppose sexual harassment. Rather they ask women to stay quiet to preserve the reputation of the accused and the family. But elder sisters who might or might not have survived sexual harassment are aware of its wrong and the importance of resisting it. So elder sisters must educate their younger sisters about sexual harassment, the good and bad touch and how they must speak up despite all the opposition. Elder sisters must stand with the younger sisters whenever they oppose crimes like sexual harassment.

2. Following your passion: Elder siblings sometimes are not very aware of the importance of having a passion in life and how one can convert it into a thriving career. They usually walk on the conventional path that their parents choose for them. But later, older children realise how passion too is relevant. So elder sisters must help their younger sisters in exploring their passion. They must not keep their younger sisters blinded to the importance of passion. Younger sisters must learn from their elder sisters' lives and build a career in the field that excites them. As far as familial oppositions are concerned, elder sisters are holding your back!

3. Speaking up against sexism: Some elder sisters are submissive and follow the sexist rules of the family and society. But some are rebels who defy every rule. However, in any condition, younger sisters must learn to defy the rules that are sexist. Not wearing shorts in public, not going out late in night, not entering holy places during periods et all- younger sisters must speak up and oppose such sexism. If their elder sisters were submissive, younger sisters must take charge and bring the change. If the elder sister was a rebel, the younger sisters must not let their rebellion die out by silently submitting to sexism. 

4. Saying no to marriage if you aren't ready: Usually, elder sisters get married early. Because they are the oldest, everyone in the family and society starts asking about their marriage plans. Parents, who aren't aware of how to stop such pressure, give in and get their elder daughters married. Elder daughters too don't have much choice because they are also burdened with the same pressure. However, this mustn't repeat in the lives of the younger sisters. Elder daughters must help their younger sisters stand against everyone who pressurises them for marriage. They must teach the importance of choice when it comes to marriage. Not that elder daughters must distort the idea of marriage for younger sisters, but younger sisters must learn lessons from the faults in the marriages of their elder sisters.

5. Parents are not always perfect: Elder daughters realise this much earlier in life as they mature before their siblings. They know how parents commit mistakes, sometimes too horrible to forgive. Rather than keeping the younger sisters in the dark, the elder sisters must help them see the reality. They must talk to them about the mistakes that their parents have made. However, the choice to forgive and let go or not depends on the younger sister only. 

6. Sex education: This is something that elder daughters are never taught about. They experiment and then learn. While others remain oblivion to female pleasure and orgasm. Here is where elder daughters step in. They must teach their younger sisters about the importance of female orgasm, protection, pregnancy and genital hygiene. Most importantly, elder sisters must teach the younger sisters about the difference between rape and consensual sex.  

It is definitely not easy to be an elder daughter. But the difficulties an elder daughter faces shouldn't be imposed on the younger ones. Sometimes, elder daughters are the ones who rebel and define their lives while younger ones detest the rebellion as it breaks the family. But is opposing rebellion going to make the lives of the younger sisters easier? An elder daughter's rebellion opens up new gates for the younger ones. So rather than harbouring feelings of detest or distancing, sisters must support each other so that families understand that no matter how their parenting is, their daughters know how to shape their lives.  

Views expressed are the author's own.