SOS: Should I Invite An Ex To My Wedding?

A week ago, I was watching a movie in which the lead female actor invites her exes to her wedding engagement. It was refreshing to see how trends are changing in dating lives. That it is no longer awkward to invite your ex to your wedding. But I was headed for a disappointment. In the movie, the woman re-develops feelings for her ex and even imagines sleeping with one. Although she did not, the idea itself raises the question that did she even had a proper closure? 

The scene in the movie left me with a question- why can't women invite their exes to their weddings? It is usually an awkward idea to invite someone you have dated before to your wedding. But where does this awkwardness come from? To get a proper idea, I interacted with some women about their past relationships and their current terms with their ex. 

Is it Invite exes to the wedding? This is what women think

"Why would I?" said Muskan, a content writer. "When I am starting a new life with a commitment like marriage, I'd prefer to completely let go of the past."

Aparajita, an MA Psychology student, said she won't invite her ex to her wedding either even though she is on good terms with him. Why? Because her current partner won't be comfortable with the idea. She said, "I can't be friends with my ex. Because then it will be very difficult to draw boundaries. And I am not a very forgiving person. If I see them, I will get triggered."

Another woman, Mansi, a senior auditor, who said she won't invite her ex to her wedding also denied the idea of being friends with her ex. She said, "If I can maintain a friendship, then why couldn't I date him?"

Sonam, a PhD student, denied inviting her ex to her wedding. She said, "You invite those whom you consider friends. I am not even in touch with my ex. Then how can I invite him?"

A woman who is a corporate lawyer said that she would not hesitate to invite her ex to her wedding. However, she also admitted that her ex won't be comfortable. "My ex still thinks that I would come back to him. And this is why he won't be comfortable with the idea of my wedding."

Lack of proper closure- the reason behind the awkwardness 

After interacting with these women, I could conclude that many women are apprehensive of the idea of inviting exes to weddings because they didn't get a proper closure from their past relationships. Some still get triggered by their thoughts, some have still not forgiven their exes while others still hope to get back with them. But is being friends with an ex a bad idea? 

When you date someone, that person gets to know those parts of you that others don't this automatically creates a different bond between you and your ex. Even though the relationship might end, the fact that you have known each other for a while becomes the residual bond that ties you both. Sometimes, this residual bond becomes a source of toxicity and sometimes friendship. Sometimes, your ex becomes the person you go to for better understanding and sometimes they become those you run from to escape your past. But in both cases, exes do share an important part of your lives.

Here is why proper closure is important 

When the residual bond is toxic, it is a clear sign of a lack of closure. It shows that even though the relationship has ended, the feelings haven't and that's why the ex becomes toxic. The feelings could be anything- from love and hatred to jealousy. In case the residual bond with your ex reminds you of hatred and toxicity, the best you can do is talk to them, try to refine the bond of toxicity by addressing the reason behind it and get a proper closure. In fact, why should you let others be a reminder of negativity in life? Why should you give others the right to disturb your mental peace? 

But if you have a proper closure and you are on good terms with your ex, what is the problem in inviting them to your wedding? If your current partner is understanding enough and loves and trusts you enough, they shouldn't mind your friendship with your ex. In fact, they would support your decisions and not try to meddle between you and your ex. 

Moreover, some people invite their exes to weddings just to show off their better position. And this in my eyes is cruel. It's just not right to play with the feelings of others or make them feel bad about themselves. If you want to invite your ex to your wedding, do it out of concern and friendship. It should reflect that even though you guys are not together, you share a platonic bond. 

Next time you speak to your ex, make sure you get closure. Lack of closure will only add to the stress and trauma we already have in life. Exes are part of our past but you cannot just tear the past off your life. So it is better to be friends with your past so that they become as simple as a cooking mishap you laugh at today over tea which you made without committing any mistake. 

Views expressed are the author's own.