Rejecting The Idea Of Marriage Is Not A No-Dating Code

The paradoxes hidden in the institution of marriage, double standards and the subjugation of individual agency have made me reject the idea of marriage. At face value, marriage is seen as a bond between two people. However, the inner reality is that marriage binds families who then control the dynamics between the couple. Marriage is supposed to be an alliance of two consenting adults. However, I do need a companion. How is that possible? Let's see.

Companionship is the need of the hour. With WHO declaring loneliness as an epidemic, having someone close enough to share the good and bad with is necessary. Moreover, sexual desires and needs (topics hidden under the blanket of morality) are also valid reasons to seek companionship, irrespective of gender. However, if one rejects marriage, the "official"  licence to companionship, how could they find a partner? Well, dating. Simple. 

Rejecting marriage doesn't mean asceticism

Rejecting the idea of marriage doesn't mean a person is ascetic or practices celibacy. They have desires and needs as much as the people who want to get married. The reason behind renouncing marriage is usually its flawed system and not the absence of the desire for a partner. So, even if a person doesn't want to get married, they have the freedom to date and seek partnership. 

However, in our society, dating is frowned upon because it is against the traditional rule of marriage being the only legitimate way for a couple to be together- socially and intimately. Well, then what is the 'legitimate' way for a couple to separate if marriage fails as a medium of companionship? 

Relationships are not always permanent and irreducible. They change as people change. The dynamics that began the relationships might start eroding away and transforming the relationships. Some couples work through it and manage the relationships while others suffocate because they don't have a way out. So, marriages too work in the same way. They cannot remain the same. 

The freedom embodied in dating

Dating, on the other hand, is an open-ended commitment. Especially, when there is no expectation of marriage; the partnership is about companionship alone with no burden of expectations. Even if there are expectations, there is an option to walk out if they aren't met despite continuous effort. And walking out in this case might involve heartbreak and loneliness but not the suffocation of staying in toxic relationships, as is the case with marriages in India. 

I am not here to argue which is better- marriage or dating, even though my opinions might tilt towards dating. However, all I want to say is not marrying doesn't necessarily mean singlehood or no dating code. Marriage is not the only way to be committed or have companionship. Renouncing marriage is renouncing its hard and fast rules. But the need for companionship, support and sexual satisfaction remains the same. 

Views expressed are the author's own.