Throughout our upbringing, we are fed the idea of a fixed trajectory of life: finish college by 23, start a family by 25, and all in all feel "settled" by 30. We are taught that the older we are, the wiser we are supposed to become, making tough choices without a second thought. These deeply ingrained expectations dictate that achieving these milestones within the time limit could bring a sense of contentment and security, making one feel pressured and mentally exhausted if they do not follow the same path. However, the reality of life is far too complicated and layered to be restricted into a certain box.
Recently, SheThePeople opened the floor for women below 30 years old to seek answers from those above 30 on burning questions of life. The encouraging conversations not only debunked the myth of life's expectations but also formed a sisterhood of comfort and support. While planning for the future is important, the added pressure of reaching there by a certain phase in life can be harmful.
Why Marriage Madness
While we tend to plan a fixed narrative for life, the truth is that it rarely unfolds the way expect. In a recent Instagram post by SheThePeople, women below 30 asked important questions from those above 30, seeking realistic advice and support, from dos and don'ts to simple words of support.
Some of the women asked about the societal pressure to get married. "Do you regret getting married in your 20s?" an Instagram user named Eden asked. Mirroring the same doubt, Yashaswini Manjunath asked, "Is being married really necessary, or is it just social pressure?"
Using their personal experiences, women expressed the societal impact that marriage had on them. The comments were a mixed bag of emotions, ranging from positivity, confidence, sorrow, or regret. "Never regret anything in life. Learn and move on. Looking back, I would do things differently, but I don't regret anything," a user named Viola said.
Another user said, "I don't regret it. Got married at 26, and spent a good amount of time before having kids so that me and my husband know that we put each other before the kids," said Latika Sanwal. Her advice reflected the importance of patience and planning before people jump into parenthood.
A woman named Dona Thomas said, "I feel 20s is too early to get married because you haven't lived your life yet. However, it depends on your priorities. If you have found someone you love, go for it. You will get more time to explore each other and get along after marriage. But be sure about what you want first."
On Intimacy And Love
Kratika Anand asked another highly ignored question in society. "Do you find love after 30s?" A user named Palak Dwivedi answered, " Life's twists and turns make it uncertain, but love has no age limit. Whether you're in your 20s, 30s, or beyond, true love can find you when you least expect it. Keep an open heart and embrace the journey."
Sharing her own positive experience, Areeba Shaikh said, "I found it at 31 and got married instantly. In my happily-ever-after phase right now. So yeah you have your answer!"
On Career And Finances
Financial independence has become a hot topic in women's lives these days, yet, there are hardly any resources for women to turn to for support and understanding. A user named Rekha shared a daunting question. "I'm afraid if I can manage a home along with my career! It's exhausting after a long day of work and there will be people expecting me to show up and do chores at home."
Women above 30 jumped on to provide their realistic experiences with work-life balance. "It's not only your responsibility if you are living with a family or someone.... it's a teamwork. Treat yourself equal babe!," Madhawi expressed.
Sweta shared, "Don't marry a man who doesn't intend to share the household chores equally. Discuss how you are going to divide the responsibilities with your partner before marrying." She highlighted that work-life balance is not only a personal effort but also requires the right kind of companionship.
What About Mental Health Woes
A large portion of women opened up about their mental health struggles like loneliness, anxiety, and stress. The pressure to feel "sorted" by a certain age is evident in the hustle culture that society functions around, especially for women. Women in today's era are expected to be goal-oriented, have a thriving career, and also think of starting a whole new life with marriage and kids.
"How did you all handle your anxiety, stress, loneliness, and fear?" Pramila Bhargav asked. A question that no one dares to open up about in the real world. Some hit them with cold facts about the difficulty of their career journey, while others shared more positive stories. Sheenam Duwedi answered, "No matter how busy u are with ur family and work, always take some 'me time'.
Recently, a Reddit user asked a similar question online. "To everyone in their late 30s and 40s - are you 'settled' in life?" The replies were filled with people talking about how they continue to feel like they are yet to explore so much more in life, even well into adulthood. While that sounds grim, it opened rather positive conversations around the different definitions of feeling settled.
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community on Reddit
One Redditor shared, "This whole 'settled’ business is old-school middle-class thinking that is one of the leading causes of depression today. Everyone’s story is different. Some people may achieve success at 24, while others might do the same at 50. It’s not a race or a competition. We’re not peas in the same pod."
These posts go to show the reality behind the pervasive facade of getting settled in life or feeling fully content with oneself by a certain age. Not only did the persons below 30 get their doubts answered, but the persons above 30 also got a chance to open up about their neglected and difficult experiences. They opened healthy discussions about individuality and authenticity in life's journey.