Why Do Parents Retort To Slut Shame Daughters Seeking Freedom

Five years into a toxic and abusive marriage, Vanya, an IT professional decided that she had had enough and returned to her parents place with the intent of legally separating from her spouse. But she was slut shamed and humiliated for her decision. "Are you having an affair with someone? Is that why you want to get divorced?" asked her parents.

Despite her efforts to explain the toxicity of her marriage and the irreparable damage, her pleas fell on deaf ears. Her stay with her parents only intensified the slut-shaming, which occurred whenever she spoke on the phone, texted, went out, or dressed up—all because she firmly stood by her decision not to return to her husband.

Parents Slut Shaming Daughters

In India, when daughters deviate from societal norms and prioritise their own happiness, they are brutally slut shamed by their own families. This is a result of the deep-rooted belief among parents that they have the right to control their daughter's lives for their best interests. 

As daughters grow older and make independent choices, parents often feel like they are losing control, leading them to use slut-shaming as a means to regain dominance over their daughters.

Niveditha, an MNC professional said, "With a heavy heart, I'd like to say that we are all victims of that slut shaming; we would've experienced it at some point in our lives. All of us would've heard at least one shaming word from our parents if we hadn't adhered to their words. This is definitely not okay! I believe the root of this problem is gender equality. If you're a woman, you're expected to behave in a certain way according to society’s rulebook. Any sort of unconventional behaviour leads to parents’ slut shaming us," she added.

"I myself have experienced such situations where my brother used to stay out after dark, but when I do, my parents ask, and I am questioned with statements like, what kind of game is it that you have to play only after it's dark? Are you a 'prostitute' to roam around the street after it's dark? This is carried on by generations and used as a common word to control daughters when they reason out their interest or behaviour," she explained.

Subashini, an IT professional pointed out that slut shaming was a direct attack on a woman’s psyche that parents use to exert control over their daughters. “Women are scrutinised for the clothes they wear, company they keep, places they visit, and whatnot, only to end up being slut shamed for making independent choices because patriarchy doesn’t allow women to do that.”

“Actually, it’s a social issue where parents fear that their parents not adhering to social standards will bring dishonour to their family, so they use slut shaming as a tool to prevent that from happening. While parents might defend themselves by describing this as an act of protection and love, control can never be equated with love,” she added.

"Setting boundaries with parents is the best way to deal with slut shaming and humiliation. We need to draw the line because most parents don’t change," said Deepika, an entrepreneur. India especially has a toxic idea of parenting where most parents want to hold control over their children’s lives. Daughters tend to get slut shamed more because of the regressive belief that our chastity and our family’s honour lie in our vaginas. So, whenever we return home late or wear certain clothes or don’t listen to our parents, basically whenever we are not under their control, they immediately tend to associate the act of sex with shame."

Suggested Reading: From Rural To Urban, Why No Woman Is Spared From Slut Shaming