How Parents Can Sensitise Children About Gender And Sexuality

While I was growing up, I believed that only a man could sweep me off my feet and make me feel loved and protected. In my family or in the society around me, heterosexuality was the only valid form of love and relationship. I never heard my parents, cousins or even my friends talk about other kinds of sexuality. Of course, I was exposed to homosexuality through movies, but it was only in the form of comedy or mockery. Naturally, I grew up believing that anything apart from heterosexuality was a shame or a matter to gossip or joke about. But then, education and the environment broke the construct built in my mind. And now I am more aware of my sexuality than ever. 

In our society, homosexuality, bisexuality or asexuality are still seen as abnormal. Many people still shy away from talking about it or crack jokes that are homophobic. Even though lesbian or gay marriages are now happening, their love is not accepted with open arms. Do you know the root of the problem? Upbringing. Parents are still raising kids who think that being attracted to the opposite sex is the only norm. 

Parents still harbour shame against different sexualities

Parents are unwilling to tell their kids about the different types of sexuality. In fact, I have heard some parents expressing a sigh of relief that their kids are 'normal'. When parents feel hesitation in even talking about different kinds of sexuality, it is obvious that they won't let their kids learn about it either. 

The definition of 'normal' starts building itself at a very young age. The discipline and rules imposed by parents mould the mindsets of the kids. The things that parents approve become normal and things they frown upon become abnormal and shameful. 

Kids with different sexual orientations feel disoriented

As a result, many kids who have different sexualities feel disoriented. When they are not able to adjust to the said 'normal', they start feeling that there is something wrong with them. Because they were never taught about different kinds of sexuality or because those sexualities were only referred to in terms of shame, those kids don't find a language for their feelings. Neither do they find a space where they can express those feelings. Those kids grow up into adults who are confused about their sexuality . Even if they know it, they find it difficult to accept it because of the childhood conditioning of what is right and what is wrong. This confusion not only ruins their lives but also of the others they associate with. 

I am heterosexual. But I am an informed heterosexual. I am aware of different kinds of sexuality and I am confident about my orientation. Even though childhood conditioning made it difficult for me to accept diversity, I have realised that identity and sexuality don't have a fixed centre or definition. 

An urge to parents to get rid of social stigmas

So I urge parents of this generation and the coming ones to learn about diversity in identity and sexuality and teach the same to their kids. Unlearn your conditioning, be unbiased and stop fixing labels on everything. Imparting wisdom and knowledge truly meets its aim only when the process is unbiased. If you really want your child to grow up into a confident and kind person, you need to clear your vision of social stigmas. Because kids look at the world from the eyes of their parents. 

Views expressed are the author's own.